The #1 Thing That Stops You From Having the Life & Love you Desire

Kate Harlow: 00:00:00

So this is an important conversation for you to start having with yourself and we There are endless ways, I promise you, even if you don't think you're a passenger of your life, you are. Because if your saboteur is trying to control your life, that is not being a driver, that is still a passenger, because she's trying to be the universe, she's trying to take the role of of the magic of life away by controlling rooted in fear. If it's rooted in fear, you're a passenger. So passenger energy is basically being a victim of life and then thinking it's your responsibility to figure out and to make things happen. And underneath that is a fear that things aren't going to happen, and underneath that is a fear that you're maybe not good enough or not worthy of things happening, right? So if you dig back, if you peel back the layers, there's a reason why you might be trying to control your life or just totally passive to it. Those are kind of the extreme. Hello, beautiful. Welcome to the new truth podcast. I am so happy you're here, and I am really happy you're here. Thank you for hanging out with me every week. I know so many of you are weekly diehard new truthers have been here a long time, and there's some newbies, but first of all, I just want to say thank you for being here. It's an honor to be on this journey with you, of like shattering old paradigms about love, about womanhood, about life, and really helping you expand your life in ways beyond what you can even see right now. I just love this message, and I love this path, and I feel so grateful that I followed my heart and learned how to do so on my own journey, and that led me here to show you how, because it is so worth it living a life that is liberated from and free from that script of who we've been taught to be is the most beautiful thing in the world. So I feel I have so many things to share today. I'm sitting here. It's I'm recording this episode mid May, and hopefully you've enjoyed the season three of the new truth. I would love to hear from you. Please let me know what you what you're loving, what you want more of, who you want more of. I I'm loving the interviews and conversations I'm having lately. They've been feeling so powerful. And yeah, I'm just really happy to be here with you. So thanks for thanks for being here, thanks for spreading the word to all your sisters in your life, Tim, so we can empower as many women on planet Earth as possible. And of course, as always, it's really, really helpful for me and the the growth of the podcast and our ability to reach more and more and more women on planet Earth, it's really helpful when you give do five star reviews, write a little blurb about how the podcast has impacted you. But I'm so, so grateful to be here, and my heart is really, really full today. I mean, I guess it's full most days, but that's the life I created. I wasn't born this way. I mean, no, that's untrue. I was born this way. So were you. We were all born with hearts full of love, and then we just forgot who we were. We forgot who we are. We forgot over and over and over again. But I'm a couple weeks out from it's hard to believe this Saturday will be two weeks from the completion of the 10th immersion that I did in Corfu, Greece. And for those of you who don't know what the immersion is, I talk about it from time to time. This is my deepest container that I do with women. They work with me privately, and then we go to the have this live experience together in Greece. And there are no words for the immersion. Everyone who does the immersion is like, oh yeah, we can't tell anyone, like, we can't even talk about it after. It's like, so hard to put into words, but it is a catalytic experience that helps women just unlock all of the repressed aspects of themselves. And you sit in a room together and outside and on the beach and in the sea and all the magical places in Greece, and you see the guards, right? You see all the guarded parts of each other. You see the soft, tender vulnerability underneath the guards, AKA your saboteur, and the little girl underneath. And then you see the expansiveness in every woman and the radiance and the beauty and the power and the sensuality and the the exquisiteness of every single woman. And there's not one woman who's walked this path with me who isn't exquisite in every way when we get underneath all of the layers of protection, you know. But I have so many women who I've worked with who think that they aren't guarded anymore, but they still are we. I mean, our guards take lifetimes to untether from, and it becomes a lifelong journey of unlocking more and more and more and more of who you are. I heard someone say today that they get annoyed by hearing people say they've done the work, and I don't get annoyed, but I always laugh when. Hear that, because it's like, first of all, why are we calling it work? You've heard me talk about this before. If you've been around for a while, why are we calling self discovery and a journey of like, coming home to yourself and your soul work? Okay, I think we have a few negative connotations with the word work, so maybe that's a great place to start to reframe but that you've done the work is your ego talking. That's your saboteur talking. There is no such thing as being done. It's a lifelong journey. However, the deeper you go inside of yourself, the more plugged in you are to the truth of who you are, to your soul, and we're going to talk lots about that today, the more plugged in you are to your heart, to living your life in alignment with who you really are, not with who you think you should be, or what you think you should look like, or who you think you should be for other people, but who you genuinely are in the depth of your being. The deeper you go in there, the more expansive your life gets, the more pleasurable your life gets, the more playful your life gets the more magnetic you become to everything you're trying to get from the controlled version of yourself when you're in your patterns, when you're in your saboteur, when you're in trying to control where your life is going, you miss your life. You miss the magic of who you are. You miss living from your gifts. You miss feeling wildly expressed in the world and actually having a life that's deeply satiating to your soul. But when you build a relationship with yourself and you come home to your soul, you become a magnet to all those things you're trying to chase, like women are wasting so much time and money and energy trying to control where their life's going or what it looks like, meanwhile, feeling totally disconnected in inside of it. So today, our conversation is about the number one thing that stops you from having the life and love you desire. And I see this, I've been coaching for, oh, I mean, gosh, it's close to 20 years now. I've been coaching and and facilitating transformational experiences for over almost 20 years, and I have been doing my work, which is called the expanded love method. I've been facilitating the expanded love method, which is a work that I developed myself and birthed my only baby I've ever birthed. Well, I guess the podcast is a baby too. I've birthed a couple babies, but that experience, this methodology that I developed 10 years ago, I've coached hundreds and hundreds of women through this method,

Kate Harlow: 00:07:31

and I have seen how much this thing stops women from having what they desire. And so many of the women I attract that I work with, they're really driven, they're really ambitious, they work, they've worked really hard to create a life that they love, right? They they they check all the boxes. They do everything perfectly. They're the perfect friend and the perfect mom and the they don't feel that way on the inside, but on the outside it looks like that. They're often the perfect mom, the perfect friend, the perfect wife, the perfect whatever woman in the world. And at the end of the day, they feel none of it because the ambitious part of themselves that's trying to create this life that they love, that they're proud of, that they get to celebrate on Instagram and show to everyone else is a facade. It's a performance, because the indoctrination of who we're supposed to be and what our life is supposed to look like runs so deep it you can't even see it. You can't even know it. It is literally it's like trying to tell a fish. Explain to a fish what water is like. They're in the water, they can't understand what water is until they leave the water. Oh, that's a great metaphor for why the immersion is so effective. You leave your your bubble of wherever you live in the world, you come to magical Greece, and you you leave the the only water you know, so you can meet who you really are. And that's actually one of the keys to to breaking free from this number one thing that stops you. I haven't even told you what it is yet, but one of the keys to breaking free is newness. Is like actually allowing yourself to do new things. Right? If you, if you keep doing what you've always done, you'll keep getting what you've always got. That's the definition of insanity. Do the same thing over and over and over again and expect a different result, right? You have to try new things in order to have new experiences, in order to meet new parts of yourself, and with new things for all adults, I think every woman on planet Earth has this. With new things comes discomfort. So my one of my beautiful heroine sisters, who I work with in my in my work, who just came to the immersion, not work. I gotta find a new word. But she just came to the immersion with me. She said that all the sisters were like, What would Kate do? What would Kate say? And she said, Kate would say, lean in and just like, breathe into feeling uncomfortable. Welcome discomfort. Welcome the feeling of being. Because that's that means you're growing, right? If you're not uncomfortable, you're not growing. You have to be uncomfortable in order to meet new parts of yourself. And your saboteur is not comfortable with discomfort. She's going to tell you, danger, danger, don't go there. Danger, danger, danger. But I promise you, and I say this in probably every episode, that if you do not open that door with the danger and the fear written all over it, you are missing your life. You are missing the life that is meant for you, and I promise you, It's way bigger than you could ever imagine. It's way more expanded. It's way more beautiful than you could ever imagine. So the number one thing that stops you from truly having love, expanded love and expanded life. The most beautiful, deep, soulful, meaningful friendships, the most meaningful life purpose, where you actually feel inspired by what you do, and motive and motivated. I don't love that word because it's external, internal, inspired, lit up, expanded by what you do, and you feel like you're you have a soul led life. Your your soul is leading your life. The number one thing that stops women from having the life they desire is they are passengers, not drivers. And it's kind of funny when we think about the good old, old paradigm of relationship, the relationship that everyone's supposed to have, where you just have a man who drives your car for the rest of your life, and you just get to sit in the passenger seat. Passenger seat. Like, you know, okay, I love being driven, so I'm not like dissing driving. I'm more using this as metaphor right now. But think about it. It's kind of funny. I also enjoy driving, but I also, as a projector, really like to be driven. So, but the metaphor is so powerful. Think about it. Women are taught to be passengers in the car. Like, do everything you can to get the man and then be the passenger. It's like, so funny. My whole entire life, I don't think my mom ever drove when we went as a family. Like, never. I can't remember a time my mom drove. Like, my mom drives by herself. But if we're going somewhere as a family, my dad is the only one who drives. Even still, we travel in Greece together. We're gonna they're coming to Kenya next year. And even still, they do not. My mom doesn't drive when we're with my dad. He's, he's the driver, right? So it's kind of funny, because, you know, not, I'm not saying, again, it's not about the thing itself. It's not there's nothing wrong with that that could be very enjoyable for the woman to be receiving and just looking out the window and seeing the beauty and real it feels kind of like the masculine feminine. He's got the action he's taken. He's, you know, moving forward, he's, he's attached to the result and going for it. That's very masculine, and the feminine is just receiving so I don't think it's that bad. However, being a passenger of your life is so this is an important conversation for you to start having with yourself and we There are endless ways, I promise you, even if you don't think you're a passenger of your life, you are, because if your saboteur is trying to control your life, that is not being a driver, that is still a passenger, because she's trying to be the universe, she's trying to take the role of of the magic of life away by controlling rooted in fear. If it's rooted in fear, you're a passenger. So passenger energy is basically being a victim of life and then thinking it's your responsibility to figure out and to make things happen. And underneath that is a fear that things aren't going to happen, and underneath that is a fear that you're maybe not good enough or not worthy of things happening, right? So if you dig back, if you peel back the layers, there's a reason why you might be trying to control your life or just totally passive to it. Those are kind of the extremes. Either you're just like, going with it and being a victim of what is like, Oh, well, I guess this is, these are the cards I was dealt. So, like, I think of how many famous people have that story of like, these are the cards I was dealt. I was, you know, raised in a foster home. I escaped because I was abused. I had like crazy trauma, and then where my family was broke, and we lived in an apartment with 20 people and and then one day I became a famous rapper. I became Oprah, or became whoever, like almost every hero's journey. Heroine's journey story starts with them having a poor circumstance, a shitty circumstance, having having them dealt cards that feel incredibly unfair, right? And if they just stayed in the passenger seat of their lives, and they just became victims of their circumstance, and they just were like, Oh, well, I guess I'm just gonna be single forever. Oh, I'm guess I'm just destined to fail. I'm destined to be broke, I'm destined to have a shitty life. I'm destined to have friends that you know are controlling, or whatever the thing may be

Kate Harlow: 00:14:55

that's being a passenger. And there's so many ways this shows up at the end of every immersion. It. Shows up, women start to ask the question, like, on the last couple days, they're like, Okay, what if I go home and I'm not like, all these amazing, expansive feelings I'm feeling go away. What if I'm what if I forget? What if I'm go back to being my old self? What if? What if? What if? What if? How many times a day, a week a month, do you play the what if game that is a victim mentality that's like, Oh, I'm going to get home and it's just going to magically be, I'm going to be, magically be expanded all the time. No, you have to show up differently in your life in order for change to actually happen, right? You can't just sit back and think going to the immersion, like going through the immersion, absolutely will change your life. And the ones whose lives massively change. Are actively practicing what they learn at the immersion and connecting with their self in that deep, meaningful way, and connecting with their sisters and connecting with these new ways of seeing the world every day, they're practicing it every day, right? You have to practice every day. I love to use the metaphor of a musical instrument. You you buy a French horn you've never played a day in your life. If Are you just gonna sit there and be like, Well, I don't know how to play the French horn, but I've got this French horn is really nice, but, you know, I don't know how to play so I'm just gonna, just gonna, like, put it on my shelf and look at it every day because it's really beautiful. Or you can practice it, and you can practice it, and you can breathe through all the feelings of like discomfort and not knowing and not being good at something, and have your mind tell you stories like, oh, you suck at the French horn, oh, you sound horrible, oh, you're never gonna get this. Oh, you're stupid, you're an idiot. You're never gonna get this. PS, that's the voice of your saboteur and PS, that's the voice of everybody but yourself. That's like your conditioned voice, right? So if you think that your thoughts are your own, you're screwed. If you think your thoughts are your own, they're not. Name her name, that's your saboteur. Give her a name, because that's not you. That's your conditioned voice, that's become the thoughts in your mind, right? And so if the French horn player just listens to the voices in his head and is like, Okay, I suck. I I'm never going to get this well, then he's going to become a passenger to this potential thing that could, that he could absolutely fall in love with, and could be one of the greatest things he's ever done, or he can be the driver. And what would the driver look like? The driver would look like every so why am I saying him? I should say he. Maybe that's for all the guys listening. Just to make you feel important to you. Do matter too. I know I often speak to women, because you know this podcast is for women, but men matter too, and you can listen too. Anyways, okay. I digress. So the driver, the French horn player, she, she or he. You can fill in the blank. Can be whatever you want, anything in between, but I'll say she so. If she practices her French horn every day and she devotes herself to it, and she also does other things that have her feel more connected to her body, more connected to music, more connected to nature, more connected to expanding. And she keeps coming back every single day and devotes herself to the French horn maybe twice a day. What will happen 10 years from now? What will happen 20 years from now? 30 years from now, now, she's potentially in one of the leading symphony orchestras around the world, traveling and and performing and doing what she loves. But it wasn't because she believed the thoughts in her head and sat back passively and became a passenger to her life. It was because, and it wasn't because she was trying to control getting there, right? Because then that, I'm sure there's lots of people who do get there, who do it from control, but then you don't enjoy the journey, right? Then they die of cancer when they're 50, because they're so they were in such stress to become the best in the world. There's a place in the middle, right? The place in the middle is actually just doing it from devotion, and doing it because you love it, and connecting to this thing that you love every day because that feels good for you. And now it becomes this reciprocal energy that's like, I'm going to show up for this thing because it feels good, and this thing feeling good is going to show up for me, and I'm going to show up for it, and it's going to show up for me. And you keep giving to this thing that you love, every guess what being uncomfortable gets easier, right? That's what I was saying. I think I went on a tangent. That happens. Sometimes I go on tangents, and then I go on another one and I forget the original one, but I did go on a tangent about how it does get so much easier. We're on this journey for life. Yes, right? I still have activations happen, but when I'm activated, I'm like, whoo. I'm going to open a portal, like, I'm going to go into those feelings, and I'm going to move the energy. I'm going to merge with my feelings. I'm going to not feed this story in the fearful beliefs, but I'm going to feel the feelings, and I'm going to love myself through it. And guess what's always on the other side? Creativity, inspiration, turn on, joy, connection, magic, synchronicities, like everything happens when I'm willing to actually just go in. Into those feelings, as opposed to, look over there, look over there, look over there, ignore them, right? But it gets easier. You we get in my experience, and this is true. I think for a lot of women I work with, the deeper you go into yourself, the easier you get, because you're less you're less activated by all everything that's happening around you like it's, it's knock on wood. It's pretty rare that I'm activated by things that are happening around me. And when I am, I know it's a mirror. I know it's reflecting something in myself I'm shut down from, or something in myself I'm growing more into, or I'm I'm blind to, or whatever. So it becomes like the world around you, instead of just constantly being a victim again. Blame is a huge way we were victims in our lives. If I'm just blaming, you know, it must be my boyfriend. I gotta leave this relationship to feel better. It must be my boss. I gotta leave this job to feel better. It must be this situation or that situation. You're never gonna stop attracting situations like that, right? Like you're just gonna attract it again and again. Wherever you go, there you are. That is a saying from a book. I say a lot of sayings that aren't mine, that some of them are, but that is a saying from a book. It's called, wherever you go, there you are. What a brilliant title. Like it is so true, right? You try and leave the relationship and think, oh, that relationship's way better over there, and guess what happens? You bring all your patterns with you. You bring all that stuff with you. So if you're blaming the world for how you feel, it's time to take responsibility and to get to know your feelings and to build a relationship with you and your feelings and learn how to not believe the stories in your mind, yet welcome and love up those feelings that you're feeling because your feelings are temporary. They're always moving, and if they stay stuck, if you are, if you have the same feeling for three days, like loneliness, overwhelm, whatever the feeling might be, guilt, all of those feelings are caused by your mind. That's why they're stuck. They feelings don't get stuck. If we feel them right, if we actually go to the bottom of them, they move like clouds. We're always are how we feel always changes, especially as women. But most women get trapped in feelings because they're trapped in the story about the feeling you think. You think you're feeling heartbreak, you're not feeling heartbreak. You're feeling the pain of the abusive story you've told yourself 10 million times about the heartbreak. So blame is one of the greatest ways that we are victims. Women can be victims of their circumstance, but nobody's responsible for how you feel. And guess what? Way before this situation happened, you felt this way before. This is not the first time you felt this way. And if you just think other people are responsible, or situations outside of yourself are responsible for how you feel, you're powerless. There's nothing you can do from there. So in order to actually have the life and love that you desire, you have to be a sovereign woman who takes full accountability and responsibility for everything that she's experiencing. Right? If you don't, if you are in blame and in projection, you you're going to be on a roller coaster, right? You're not going to have the life your desire, because your mind's going to be like, Oh, once I get that raise, once I get that vacation, once my boss gets fired once, once I get a new boyfriend, once I get married, once I, once I, once I, once I have kids, then I'm going to love myself, then I'm going to feel better. Then, then, then, then, then, that's a victim mentality, right? That's passenger one day, when the weekend comes, when the vacation comes and the paycheck comes, when the this comes, when that comes, then I will feel better. It is a trap. It is a trap. You have to take responsibility for how you feel now and stop trying to feel better, but lean into what you feel, welcome your feelings. Be with them, get to know them, and put some music on and sing with your feelings, and dance with your feelings, move your feelings, write about your feelings, but but do your best to start separating that story from the feelings it's so important. You're either a passenger to your life or you're a driver. If you are a driver to your life, you're no longer complaining, comparing, trying to be perfect jet. You're no longer jealous, guarded like we are. Everyone's so freaking guarded, and yet you're that is what's stopping you from experiencing life, from experiencing the life that's meant for you. So in order to become a driver of your life, you have to deeply know and be in relationship with yourself. You, aka, start to pay attention to how you feel. This is such a simple way. It might seem complex, but it's actually really simple. Start to pay attention to how you feel in any situation, and not how you feel based on the stories in your mind. Right? Let's say you go on a date and something feels off, but your mind is like, Oh my God, this guy is. Amazing. He's so hot, he's so this, he's so that he's the perfect guy. He's a perfect match for you. Easily, your mind can create endorphins in your body, right? But that's actually a fantasy that's creating a feeling. And the original feeling was kind of like, Hmm, something doesn't feel right here, but your mind is now feeding that feeling. So the practice is to be able to notice and distinguish the difference between and this is a practice. It's not something that can be done overnight. It's a question I get asked a lot. Start to pay attention to the feelings that are created by thought, by stories in your mind, versus just your feelings. So getting into meditation, I know that a lot of people have resistance to meditation. I did too. I had a very hard time meditating, but one day, the deeper you go into yourself, the easier meditation is. And now for me, it's blissful. I can drop in and meditate anytime, anyplace, anywhere, doing anything, and I love the feeling, and I could hang out there all day. It just feels so yummy and delicious and juicy, and I used to be stuck in my head when I meditated. So all you have to do is keep showing up again and again, and eventually, like everything, like the the woman playing the French horn, it's going to get easier, right? Those challenging pieces of music, while they might still be challenging, they're going to get more easeful, more beautiful. You're going to get more confident, more inspired by the music, rather than by the fear based stories in your head. So practice meditation is so important because it's creating space inside of you to feel what you actually feel, right if your life, and I think this is such a North American thing. I'm going to North America in the summer, and I'm actually doing an expanded love weekend in Vancouver in early, early August, which I'm very excited about. And I am every time I'm there, I can feel like this pull to being busy. I guess it just sucks me right in, and I get really like, Oh, I gotta over schedule. I gotta see everyone. I gotta squish everything in it, like, it's like in the air there. So the practice is to be the one who's moving slowly, even when everyone around you is moving fast. So let yourself slow down and create those those pockets of spaciousness for yourself to just feel, so that you can feel every time I have a woman I'm working with who's making a decision, she'll be like Kate, I'm trying to decide, should I stay, or should I go my relationship? Or I'm trying to decide, you know, should I move to this other city or this new country, or should I buy this house? Or should I, you know, take this job, or whatever the thing is, every time she's in that should or should I say, or should I go energy, or whatever, question, should I or shouldn't I, she's playing a ping pong game in her mind, and the trap of the mind is your saboteur. Mind will play both sides, so it's going to confuse the shit out of you. So if you feel confused about any decision in your life, it's because you're trying to make the decision from the wrong place. But if you close your eyes, every time I do this that the woman I'm working with, she closes her eyes, I have her ground, her body. Feel her feet. Feel her bum on the seat, sit a little bit taller. Open your heart. Take a breath. Feel your feel your spine lengthen. Feel your all your muscles soften. Feel everything relax and then tune in. Is it a yes or no? They always know it. I mean, when we get to that part, it's like they're so clear. It's always clear we're our bot, but we are distracted with so much noise that we think we don't know. We think we don't have the answer inside, but it's always inside. So if you're a passenger to life, you're kind of just letting life pass by. And another passenger perspective is like, Oh, I'll make the decision one day, like that relationship that you know you're meant to leave, and you feel crystal clear in your body. And then you put it off, and you put it off, and then one day you're like, Oh, my God, I put it off for 20 years, and I've talked to so many women like that 20 years of my life where I could have been free. Okay, there's been endless studies about the happiest people in the world are women with no children over the age of 40. Pardon me, single women, not it's not about the children, but single women and the happiest men in the world are men that are married. That is so interesting, men that are married because women do everything so they're taken care of, and women that are single because they're free. So I mean, I just think of the expansiveness that comes from catalytic experiences like leaving a relationship that you know in your heart is complete, right? It's only the old paradigm that tells us to hold on and keep working, keep pushing and keep figuring it out, and keep there's gotta be another answer. And keep, but like when you know that truth in your heart and you have that clarity inside of you that is your truth, and what that is your compass, and when you follow your own inner compass, guess what happens? I. Life orchestrates in the most magical ways, and everything you are meant to experience. Your life purpose unfolds. You meet greater love. You have more expanded relationships, friendships, adventures, opportunities, the magic starts to magnetize to you when you're living from that heart frequency, the answers are not in your mind, but most women who even ones who think they live from their hearts. Everyone that I work with, and I've worked with women who are you know, have been on a growth path or done therapy for years, and they they think they're living from their heart and their heart and their truth, but they're not, because we have been so brainwashed and the mind, the saboteur mind is so sneaky that it's so easily convinces us to stay when it's no longer aligned, or to say no when that's actually our yes or our truth, right? So, so becoming the driver of your life is having the courage the cur, which cur is heart in French, having the courage to follow your cur, to follow Okay, I have a French client. She told me, I said it wrong to follow your car. I can't do a French accent very well. Do Greek way better than French, even though I'm Canadian. I should work on my French. But when you have the courage to follow your own beautiful heart, you will get to experience the most unbelievably rich and satiating life that is meant for you. And does that mean it's going to come without pain? Of course not. But when you're living a life that expands you, when you have contracting moments because of life circumstances, you can handle it because you're in relationship with your feelings, right? It expands your capacity to be able to handle whatever life brings. But if you're at the bottom of the barrel, and then something bad happens. If you're like, faking your life and pretending to be happy on Instagram, that's a common thing. I hear that a lot from women. I've just been faking my life, pretending to be happy and pretending to have it all together. Meanwhile, I'm like, What the fuck is this life? And why am I here? And why am I here, and what am I doing, and how do I do it? And nobody knows what they're doing. Everyone's faking it. For the most part. Majority of people are truly even the ones that you think aren't even the most successful ones at the very top are still faking it until you're home, right? If you're in your patterns, if you're in their survival, you're faking it because you don't know the magic of your own being and your own soul. I That's one of my favorite things about the immersion. Is every woman falls in love with every woman. They see each other on a zoom call before we go, and they're like, I'm like, Y'all are going to be so in love with each other. You're going to have the deepest love affairs and relationships you could ever fathom. You're all waiting for a man for that, but actually it's in sisterhood, and you are going to be so so connected after this experience. And it's so funny. After every immersion, they tell me, like, oh my god, I when you said that, I was like, No, I don't think so. That's not gonna happen to me in this group, and it happens every time every single group that's ever done the immersion. It's unbelievably beautiful to witness. But you fall in love with each other because you're sharing the depth of your being. You're sharing your vulnerabilities underneath the protection and guards you're sure. You're seeing the cuteness of everyone's saboteurs and the beauty and magnificence and majesty of their expanded, sovereign heroin selves. That is what's possible when you are the driver of your life, and to be the driver of your life. The mind can't be in charge anymore, right? Your mind is is a partner to your heart, because it's part of the implementation of things. But your mind, your saboteur, conditioned mind, is like a computer program. It's like you've been programmed your whole life, and you think it's you. You think those desires are your own, right? So you're building that's why I love that the majority of the women I've attracted in my work in the world, or my method, we'll call it my method. In my method, in the expanded love community, the heroin community, the women that I attract are, you know, Elizabeth Gilbert and E Pray, Love checked all the boxes, crushed it at life. Did life perfectly? Woke up dead inside, or crying in the closet and wishing, you know, they could take it all back, or, like, wondering, what the heck? What is it all for? I attract those women because they are like. They are drivers, right? They have that driver mentality, but they're like, but they've been driving from their saboteurs. They've been driving from the computer program that was inserted from a very young age that's upgraded every single year as to like, who they need to be as a woman and what kind of fanny pack they need crossing their body, and Stanley Cup, whatever that I'm the I mean, not Stanley Cup from hockey. I mean the the the water bottle thing that I make fun of y'all for. It's like, it's that. It's like following trends, following fashion, comparing with friends. What are they doing? All my friends are getting married. I should be too. Oh, that person's doing this. I should be too. That person lost 10 pounds. I should too. That person got a fanny pack in purple. I should too. Like you are not that person. This is huge victim mentality, like sitting back and being a passenger of your life. Life looking around, going, who should I be? Oh, she's like that. Maybe I need to be like her. She's like that. Maybe you need to be like her. No, your life is not anyone else's, so you have this the most extraordinary soul. And that is the other piece from the immersion that we get to witness is when every woman drops into the heart of who she is. Everyone's so unique, and everyone is attracted to everyone. There's this like you fall in love with everyone because they're home and they're present and they're unique. Every soul is so special, and the saboteur is working so fucking hard to be special by trying to fit in, trying to belong, trying to be good enough, trying to be lovable, trying to be perfect, trying to be like everybody else. And it's a it's the path to fucking misery. It's the path that's going to require so much medication,

Kate Harlow: 00:35:50

because you're going to have to numb your truth. That's why people self medicate. That's why people get on medication, antidepressants. It's like, well, I'm repressing the shit out of everything that I am. I'm repressing the shit out of my gifts. I'm repressing my feelings, I'm repressing my truth, I'm repressing my desires, I'm repressing my inner compass. So I better numb myself, whether it's date with wine daily, or with binging on food, or with depriving myself of food, or with, you know, antidepressants, anti anxiety medication, we're numbing out birth control. We're numbing ourselves in all the ways, because it's easier to be numb than to like, hear this screaming inner compass that you're not listening to. Right? It's time to listen and become the driver. You won't need any of that shit. You won't need it like p i just think of all the time and energy people spend trying to figure out problems, for example, like binge eating or like overeating. And they go to Overeaters Anonymous, and they try and restrict themselves. They try and like, admit I have a problem, and I'm going to stay in this problem mentality, and there's something wrong with me, and I'm going to gather around people. We're going to reinforce that we have a problem. They're working so hard to solve the problem, which is simply a symptom, that is a symptom of being starving of pleasure. We this is last week's episode with Jenna about pleasure. Like, if you are binging on food, it's because you're you're disconnected from the magic of your soul. When you're connected to the magic of your soul, you forget to eat, but not because you're you're trying to hurt your body. You forget to eat because you're so satiated. You're already full. Your heart is already full. You forget to go on dates because your life feels so good. But guess what? So universe is going to still bring you love anyways, even if you forget to date, because if you're satiated and expanded, not looking for that thing, but you're also not closed to that thing, right? Those are the extremes. You're either looking you're attached to finding it, or you're closed to it, or you're eating all the food, or you're depriving yourself. The place in the middle is if I'm expanded, if my life is my own, if I'm living from the truth of who I am, if I'm expressing my heart, if I'm connected to everything that I that I feel if I'm feeling my feelings and I'm following my desires and I'm honoring my heart and I'm listening to myself and I'm loving myself rather than trying to find someone else to love me when I fucking hate myself, that'll never work. Never ever work. It never works. You can have friends who you think are really happy in their relationships, but if that woman does not love herself, she is not receiving that love. Guaranteed. You have to love yourself, and it's a practice, and it's a it's a journey to learn how to love yourself. But if you don't love yourself, you will be a passenger to your life. You will not be the driver learning to love yourself is becoming the driver to your life. And when you deeply, reverently devoted and to yourself and love yourself, your life will get so beautiful and rich and juicy beyond what you can see right now, and it'll be way better than what you thought. You know, I think of myself 15 years ago, I was like, Okay, I want to get married. Kate Harlow said that. I mean, I'm still not opposed to maybe my future self will do that from a very connected place in one day. But think about who I am. For those of you who know me, when I was in my 20s, guess what I was saying? I just want to get married. I want to have kids. I named my I named my children, my future children that I never had. I had, you know, this checklist. I thought I was going to be like, what did I think? Oh, Rod in marketing for a living, like I had because, and underneath all of that was like, I don't know who I am. What the fuck this is what you do. This is what everyone else does. I was a total passenger to the script, like we're passengers to the script. You think it's your fucking idea. It's not your idea, you know, unless it's coming deeply from your body and this deep desire in your heart. But there also is a surrendering to if it's not happening, it's not the time. Time, and you don't want it to happen from that place of need. I'm talking about love. I'm talking about babies. I'm talking about whatever your career, your life purpose, if you're trying to get it or find it, you're not going to because if it's meant for you, it's going to come the desire is going to come from deep inside of your body, and you're not going to live from a place of thinking your life will be better when you have that thing. You're going to create your life right now that you desire, and then you become a magnet to that thing that that you that, but it's going to be better. So going back to me in my 20s, who wanted to have a baby and be in marketing for my life and be a public relations person, because someone told me I'd be good at that, because I thought it was stupid at the time, and I wanted kids, and I wanted a husband, and I wanted a picket fence, and I wanted to live in one place forever. That was not my soul. Are you kidding me? Live in one place forever. People are like, is Athens forever? I'm like, Why do you ask me that question? I do not know my future self. I'll tell you in in when I'm 90. Like, probably not, you know. And now I'm being pulled to Africa, and I'm going, I'm going to be spending more and more time in Kenya, and still time in Greece, and probably some time in Italy, and probably in places I don't even know of yet. Vietnam has been coming up lately, but there's places I don't even know, I mean, and there's people I don't know that I'm going to love. And the same is true for you. You know right now, if you're obsessed with someone or something, or you're trying so hard to control something, it's like, just know that there's so much beyond this thing that you're focusing on. If you zoom out really far, there's so much you're going to experience. There are people you're going to deeply fall in love with and be inspired by there's experiences you're going to have that are going to rock your world. There's pleasure beyond what you've ever felt before. The magic. I say the word magic, I think people don't believe it because we've been taught to not believe it. When we were kids, we believed in magic because we were connected to it. Then actual, real magic. And then what happened we were taught magic is McDonald's. Do you believe in magic? What poisonous food is magic? We taught, we were taught that magic is the Easter Bunny and Santa Claus, which were lies and not real. And sorry for anyone who still believes, if there's children listening, I know some, some women's kids listen, but we're taught that's what magic is. So then when they're they tell us that doesn't exist. Now we're taught that magic doesn't exist, right? We associate the two. And yet, when, when you're little, my I used to talk to my nieces, and they had fairy friends, and they talk about their fairy friends, and the adults are all like, oh yeah, they see fairies. I'm like, they do see fairies like we all do. We're plugged into the spirit world when we're little because we're fully present and fully connected. So magical synchronicities that happen most people and even me, that when magical synchronicities happen, which is every day, all day, I still go, Oh, my God, that's crazy. I can't believe that thing just happened. Like my human self is still like, what because we've been programmed to not believe so when you become the driver, when you follow your own heart, when you stop considering everyone fucking else and you just prioritize yourself, knowing that when you're deeply, truly listening to your heart and following that, that compass, that is what's for everyone, that is the thing that's meant for everyone. Even if you think other people will be impacted, let them they're gonna be impacted. People will be hurt. People will project that you're responsible for your pain. You're not. You can choose. You can decide whether or not you want to take on that truth. Right? That's an option. That's a choice. So again, energy of passenger is, I'm powerless to my life. It's just happening like, what if this happens? What if that happens? What if this happens? What if that happens? Passenger, passenger, passenger, being the driver of your life is I have choice now. I listen to the new truth podcast and other books and tools and work with Kate or Catherine. Oh, Catherine doesn't work with people anymore right now. Work with Kate or other amazing facilitators, teachers, coaches, mentors, guides out there, and I am becoming the driver of my life. And I am choosing every moment. So even if you choose your pattern, you're choosing it, and you can choose to not choose it. You know, instead of sitting around talking about how much your job sucks and you hate your job, but you have to stay in it because of money, what if you were to say, Oh, I'm choosing to go to work today and every day is a new day. There might be a day you don't choose it anymore. If you actually really connected to your heart and trusting like the more you follow your heart, the more you realize you can trust life. If you've been controlling everything, you'll You won't believe life is trustworthy, that there's a path that's meant for you, that everything's going to work out. You won't believe that if you've been controlling your path, if you've been following the script. But the more you follow your heart, the more you'll the easier it'll be to make big decisions. I'm making some right now, and it's like way. It doesn't come without feelings, but it becomes way easier because you have so much evidence of how life supports you when you follow your heart, of how you take this step. This is the truth. The bridge is there. All of a sudden the apartment shows up, the love. Shows up, the thing shows up, the thing you need, the next thing, the person that that's going to help you with, the thing that you didn't know you needed help with, whatever the divine, the divine, orchestrates life in a way, to help you step into this next version of yourself that's being the driver of your life. When you follow your own compass, you are the driver. You are the GPS. You are following your internal GPS, rather than the mind GPS. When you follow it, life will meet you there, and it will keep meeting you there, and it'll keep getting more and more and more aligned in all the ways. And all of a sudden you'll open your eyes one day and be like, holy shit, my entire world looks different.

Kate Harlow: 00:45:40

Like me, I was going to be a PR person with babies in a house and a picket fence living in one place, wherever. You kidding me, I'd be dead inside. I would definitely be on antidepressants if I chose that path. And that was an option. I almost chose that path, a wine Wrap was the other, was the other career thing I was going to choose. So if I had chose that path, I would be numb, too, and none of us would be here, right? I think of all the women who've been impacted by this message, and this message is only here and was only born because I had the courage to drive my car, to follow my own heart, to get out of the fucking passenger seat. I'm dropping a lot of F bombs today. It feels really It feels feisty. I had the courage to drive, to get out of the passenger seat, over and over and over and over and over again, to be like, I'm choosing this even if this relationship is super toxic and I feel like I can't leave, and my bank account or my beliefs or the people in my life tell me I need to stay in this situation. If I actually have the courage to follow my heart, it will work out that's being the driver. And then you get to see, oh, life is supporting me. Oh, my gosh, I am supported. Oh, and, and I would say one of the most important things for being a driver of your life is to surround yourself with other women who are drivers of their lives. And the more you are, the more you will naturally will attract women who are but join a community. I'm actually launching a community coming up soon called heroin rising all it's not it's it's just like in the beginning phases, not quite there yet. So I don't even have the official launch date, but it's coming soon to a theater near you. It's going to be very easy, low monthly investment, and a place for you to just meet like hearted women who are the drivers there of their own lives, who are taking charge and choosing to do life differently in such a beautiful, magical way. So I'll let you know when that's coming, and I have an expanded love master class coming up in June that I've been seeding a lot. I will let you know when the doors open for that. I think it's on my website, so you can check it out if you want to sign up right away. Expanded love masterclass says in June to understand your saboteur intimately and the immersion next year, the spots are starting to fill. So if you feel the call to join me at an immersion and to start privately mentoring with me and become the driver of your own life, it would be my honor if it feels aligned on both ends. That's my only requirement. Is like, we get on a call, we have a conversation, see if it feels like the right time for you, if it feels right for me, and we have a conversation, and if it feels right. I mean, maybe this is your year. We're in an expanded time right now. This is the Aquarian Age. We're no longer in that Capricorn, ambitious, pushing, driving, going. Aquarian Age is about expanding, dreaming, thinking bigger, flipping systems on their heads and doing things differently. So if you're ready to do things differently in your life, you're ready for a different result. You want big love. You want big a big purpose. You want a big life that feel or it could be a small life that feels really expanded in all the ways. Let's have a conversation. I mean, if you've been feeling into it and it's been knocking on your door, just get on a call with me. There's no cost for the call. And I would love to meet you. I would love to hear how the podcast has impacted your life. And let's talk, because the time is now, my love. Time is going by so fast. Time is going by so fast, and the only one who's going to make a change in your life is you, right? We think like, oh, one day, women have been programmed to believe one day someone's coming to rescue us. They're coming to rescue us from our health, rescue us from our finances, rescue us from our our shitty relationship, rescue us from feeling lonely, rescue they're going to rescue us from feeling bad, and one day a prince is going to come along and save us from all of it. It's bullshit. It'll never happen. Never, ever, ever, can anyone rescue you from yourself and the pain that you feel inside, except for you, except you, when you awaken your heroine and you learn how to become the heroine of your own story, and rewrite that story from scratch and create a new one that actually makes you feel alive. Everything changes, and that's you're the only one who can do it. Not anybody can do it for you, not your mom, not your best friend, not your husband, not the love of your life. No one else can do that for you. So let's have a conversation. Thank you so much for listening as always. Spread this message to all the women you know who need to hear this, who are ready to have the life and love they desire, and we'll see you next week.