The New Paradigm of Breakups, Divorce & Endings

Kate Harlow: 00:00:00

But with the relationship ending, with the nice guy, with the person that you love deeply, who you care about so much, and your your saboteur is keeping you there just because you don't want to hurt them, you can have an ending like we did. And here's the most important thing, that you are honest, that you own your side of the street. Don't make it about them. Right for me. It wasn't like, Oh, my love, you are not good enough for me, or like this, like you're I can't grow inside of this relationship. It was all about me. It was like, I feel in my heart like I'm here to expand more. And this relationship feels complete. The container of this relationship in the way it is doesn't feel like it's serving my expansion anymore.

Kate Harlow: 00:00:46

Hello, my loves. Kate Harlow, here I am so happy you're here. I'll tell you that every week it means the world to me, all the messages I'm receiving about the the love for the new podcast direction. I mean, it's similar, but of course, different as I evolve, and it has evolved. And all your love about the new podcast cover, I'm so in love with the podcast cover. Thank you for all the reflections I've received. It means the world to me. That photo was taken of me in Kenya, and it just feels like it summarizes what Kenya and Africa has opened up in me. And yeah, it's just so such a powerful, powerful photo. So I am really grateful for all your love and the new podcast intro and all the changes that have happened since the beginning of March, since Catherine went her own way, and we and we are deepening into our truths. So yeah, thank you for that. I am really happy to have this conversation today. You might have noticed there's a lot of podcast episodes lately about endings. We had, the power of letting go. With Catherine and I, at the end of our journey together, we had, well last week I did with Vanessa. If you haven't listened to it yet, it's very powerful, letting it well how to know when to let it all burn down. And this week, the new paradigm of breakups, divorces and endings. And this is a conversation that we've had many times. If you've been on the journey with me for five years, we've definitely had many episodes about divorce, about breakup, about endings, should I stay or should I go? Oh, that was another one that was maybe a month ago. So lots of endings. And yet it's an important conversation. Just like fairy tale fantasy, love is something we need to talk about on the regular, so is endings, because they're such a big, important, huge part of life. And I think that, actually, I know right now there's just massive changes happening on planet Earth. Astrologically, we are, we are in a time, an unprecedented time. Right now, the planets are doing things astrologically that have never been. It has never been this way before. I not an astrologer, which I always let you know, but one of my favorite astrologers I'm following right now is Pam Gregory, and I actually find her interviews to be where her energy is the most alive. So I watched a couple of her solo channel, and I prefer her interviews, but I watched an interview of hers on I'm trying to remember the guy's name, that beautiful man. I forget the what the platform was, but it was so good, and it was basically about what this new paradigm looks like, and astrologically, we are in such a new time. It's all about big dreaming, old systems breaking down. You know, everything that's not serving you. It's time for it to fall away and time to rise from the ashes and rise from the death. Death and rebirth. Really is that the energy frequency of right now, of letting go of old versions of yourself, letting go of old sweaters that no longer fit, letting go of old relationships that no longer fit, letting go of everything. So it's such a potent time in the world of letting go, and that's why I wanted to have this conversation with you today. Also it's it's relevant to my life right now. So I'll share a little bit of that with you as well on the episode. So if you are curious about astrology, I highly, highly recommend the app, the pattern. If you the pattern is phenomenal. You have to know your time of birth to know your chart. But there's so much more to your chart than your sun sign, and the pattern is amazing. There's actually a video of Channing Tatum about the pattern. I think, I don't know, I saw it, like, three years ago, or something where he's like, Who are you and how do you know so much about me? It's such an amazing app. It's very thorough. It sends you can do compatibility on there, with friends, with lovers, with relationships you can't and it tells. You like, what your challenges are and what your what your amazing qualities are, together you and it tells you so much about your yourself and who you're meant to be, and your who's your who your soul is meant to be in this lifetime, which is so important to know. And what astrology has done for me. It's given me permission to keep rising and keep stepping out more and more and more and more. In fact, one of the things that my astrology, that I learned from my astrology on that Well, I learned it from astrologers as well, but on the pattern, is that my north node is in Leo, which means I'm here to be a lion. I'm here to be a leader. I'm here to be in the spotlight, I'm here to be taking a stand. And you know, I've noticed, even after Catherine left, I had this experience last week where I just kept doing interview after interview, and then I kept having three in a row that didn't feel aligned, and I felt weird after and I sent the messages and just said, Hey, you know I love you so much. It was amazing to connect with you, and I love your work in the world, but something about the episode didn't feel aligned, and when it happened three times in a row, I was like, okay, the common denominator is me here, and what I uncovered, what when I actually dug deeper, instead of just using the episodes that didn't feel good when I when I dug deeper, what I realized Is there was a part of me, since Catherine left, that's kind of hiding behind doing tons of interviews. And of course, you benefit from hearing new voices, new perspectives, new ways of being and and I totally will always bring new amazing humans your way and messages, but I could see that little Leo north node in me that was like trying to not shine too bright, trying to not take up too much space on the podcast. So that was really, really interesting to go through last week. And so there's going to be a lot more solos, and I'm going to do an interview probably once a month. I don't know if it'll be a really strict cadence. I don't think so it'll just like ebb and flow, but I'm excited because I keep deepening into myself, and I keep having new revelations, new new perspectives, new ways of seeing what I teach and what I believe. And I know that there's so much here for you, so I'm excited to share that with you. And that was actually a little example of a loving breakup, because, you know, so often when something doesn't feel aligned the nice girl or the self sacrifice or want or the shape shifter, those are the saboteur archetypes. Wants to just not say anything. Oh, I'll just use the episode anyways. Oh, that the audience will benefit. Still, even though something felt so off in my body. And so that the day after the first time this happened, I was I was tossing and turning in my sleep, and my mind was just like, yeah, yeah, I'll still use the episode, no problem. And I woke up the next day, and I sat in meditation. I wasn't even thinking about that, and then I just felt this surge from inside me that was like, No, you have to lovingly let it go, and I did, and I sent her this loving message, and she responded with love. So that's an example of a new paradigm ending completion of something where I did it with love, and that is one of the biggest keys, is to the more you deepen into yourself and your own heart, the more you can do everything from love. And that doesn't mean, you know, negating your feelings. That doesn't mean being loving and tolerating crap, but there's, there's so much here to unpack. So I'm really excited to have this conversation with you. So when we think about the new paradigm of breakups, divorce and endings, completions. First, first off, especially when it comes to relationships and marriage, the first and most, most important thing is that in order for a new paradigm, a new way of completing relationships to exist, we have to be willing to let go of the fairy tale. You have to be willing to let go of this idea that a relationship is supposed to last forever, and that's the only option. You got to keep going and pushing and working and trying and again and again and again and again,

Kate Harlow: 00:09:16

or the story that we're all just meant to be with one person forever and ever, right? Because that is what has a stay way past its expiry date. And so so often relationship endings are so painful, and so especially divorce, because then there's money involved in assets, and it's it's like a messy and children and it's often divorce are often messy, complicated breakups, and that's the only difference, is that it's much more complicated and expensive, because there's so much more you have to do to actually end the relationship and so but the reason why most people's endings feel. Feel so traumatic and so painful and so heartbreaking and so dramatic is because they stay way, way, way past the expiry date, right? That is so common with endings that people keep trying and keep going. It's just like, oh, I don't need to have sex. I'll just not have sex anymore for the next 30 years. Or I'll just cry in my closet every night by myself and just hope for the best. Or I'll just lay lonely next to this person forever and drive myself crazy on the inside. And so when you repress your truth for a long period of time, what are you going to feel? You're going to feel depressed, right? It's repression, repressing your truth, repressing repressing your your body's desires, repressing your feelings, repressing everything. I talk about that a lot. I believe that that's what depression is. You know, you go to the doctor and they take tell you to take a pill and just numb how you feel, which now you can't feel anything. And I'm not like there's a time and a place for that. That's not a long term solution. Depression is repression of who you really are. And so when you are in a relationship that you've simply outgrown, it doesn't mean the other person is wrong and bad sometimes they are, but so are you, if you are choosing them right. And I'm not saying you're wrong and bad, but if someone, if you're in a relationship with someone who has toxic behaviors, let's say narcissism. That's a very common word nowadays. You play 50% of that dynamic. You participate in 50% of that dynamic. So how you ended up in that relationship and how you're still staying inside of that relationship is because of your patterns. Is because of your Saboteurs that are your saboteur that is keeping you there, shape shifting in fantasy about the relationship, pretending it's great on the outside when you're actually suffering so much on the inside, you know, tolerating crap being behaving like this person's mother, or whatever the case may be, you play a part, and the only way nobody is coming to rescue you, the only way that you will actually have a thriving, healthy life, and relationship with yourself, and relationship with other people, with with a partner, is when you clean up your side of the street. So I'm actually going to make a plug right now for the masterclass that's coming up. Some of you have taken it before. Many of you it will be different this time. Many of you have never done it before. It's called the expanded love masterclass. It will be $22 this time, it is five days. And it's a little bit different this time. It used to be on Facebook, live inside of a Facebook group. Now we're doing it on Zoom. So this is going to be community building. You're going to meet so many amazing women. It's really powerful. And every single day, for five days straight, I go live in the morning for 75 minutes teaching the different saboteur archetypes that are playing out in your relational dynamics and and there will be many new layers this time, because as I evolve, the work evolves. But what I'm doing differently this time, besides it being on Zoom, is there will. I'm going to be opening up for questions at the end of every day, so whatever crest questions arise, we'll have a certain amount of time allocated to dive deeper into the archetype so you can really understand how it's impacting you and your relationships and your life. And so I would love to have you join me in that masterclass. It is such a game changer to have this awareness. It's it also brings some lightness to the saboteur archetypes and and naming your saboteur, which is what my clients do in the work with me, and the expanded love method is it's fun. It allows you to start to see that part of you as just a character that you learned how to be when you were young, right? They're just your survival patterns, but they are creating whatever it is you're experiencing inside of every single relationship you have in your life. And Isn't life just filled with relationships like we all just have so many relationships,

Kate Harlow: 00:14:20

romantic colleagues, strangers at the coffee shop, like all our friendships, family, children, all our lives consist of is relationships, and if your saboteur is in charge, most likely you don't feel very good on the inside. That is one of the biggest indicators. If you don't feel very good and you're you're taking things to numb yourself. You're eating to numb yourself. You're drinking, to numb yourself, you're you're doing you're scrolling on Instagram or watching Netflix all day, to numb yourself, you are missing so much of yourself because your patterns are in charge, and so much more is possible for you. So I'm, I'm really excited about the masterclass in the. New version of it. I highly recommend you join, share it with all your friends, and you'll be able to access the recordings for a week, so you'll be able to also watch them later in the day, if you have work in the morning. But I encourage you to join and like, just block off your calendar if it's if that's possible, like you have a meeting or like you have an appointment, because if you can be there live and do the Q and A with us, you'll get so much more from the experience. So first off, with the new paradigm or breakups, you have to be willing to let go of the fairy tale, right? You have to be willing to know that every relationship has a different timeline and is meant to serve a different purpose in your life. And the movies and the love songs and all of these things taught us that relationships are just meant to be the one, the love of our life, and whenever we feel good in a relationship, we want to put that person into that role. We want to cast them as the lead character, and we want to write them off into our story as the one that's going to be there forever. But the reality is most relationships won't be that, because you're going to have so many relationships that are going to serve different purposes. I've talked before about my partner, Jeff, that I was with for seven years. We he now has a Michelin restaurant that he opened six months into our relationship, and I was incredibly instrumental in helping him with that and with the emotional journey and with with so many aspects of it. He built my first website. He came cooked at my first retreat. So when I look back, Jeff was never a man that I was supposed to build a life with, I was he was never a man I was supposed to keep deepening in love with, but he was a man that I was meant to step into my purpose with. And so every relationship serves a different purpose, and when you are in deep connection with yourself, you will not be so attached to keeping it going when it's no longer in alignment, when you have outgrown it. So I've recently gone through a relationship transition, which you might be a surprise of those of you who who don't know it's i It's something that I've been keeping to myself as I navigate even even from friends. I really was going through the journey the last year of getting expanding more and more and more. My purpose is expanding. I have so many more new things on the horizon, and I'm expanding. I'm moving to Kenya half of the year, and I'll be in Greece half of the year. Kenya keeps pulling me back, and I've just had this truth in my heart, and my relationship has been so healing and so beautiful for both of us. We met three years ago. We were both new to Greece. We navigated, you know, being foreigners living in Greece. He's from Argentina, I'm from Canada, and we've had this beautiful love bubble that allowed us to feel safe being here and allowed us to to grow and and heal our hearts. From our past relationships, there's been so much love, and there still is so much love, and we both were clear that this container is no longer a fit. So here's where I want to say this quote that came to me. I googled it because I'm like, surely this is already a quote, but it came to me the other day. So I thought, I've made it up, but it I just pulled it out of the ethers. It already exists. Love never dies. It just changes form. Love never dies. It just changes form. So our love is still so strong. It's so beautiful. I love him, and I love Jeff, and I love Charlie. I love all my past partners. I love Steve. This young guy dated for like, eight months. I love Paul. This guy dated for three months. Like, if I look back at my relationship history, love Byron, my boyfriend from Australia, when I was like 21 I have so much love in my heart for every man I've ever been with, because love doesn't die. It only only our perception of it changes, and when someone hurts us, especially, or you leave a relationship when you're really in the muck and you're in the blame and you're in the pain and you're in the you stay too long. So now things are dramatic and chaotic, and you blame them for how you feel. You blame them for what you've cut off in yourself. You blame them for not having love for a long time. You blame them for not being touched for a long time. When we leave from that place, our perception of that person changes, right? Or, let's let's say they meet someone else and they leave you. They deeply hurt you, our perception changes, right? And we think the love is gone. We think even though you once loved that person, which means the love is still in your heart, but you have this perception of them as the bad guy, right? And as long as you perceive your former partner as the bad guy, you are powerless, and that that relationship is going to be carried into every future relationship you have, because you are living from a state of victim mentality. And it's not to say at. One point, you might not have been a victim, right? If you were in an abusive relationship, or if you had someone cheated on you and really rocked you and went outside of what you had agreed upon in that relationship, for sure, at one stage, you were a victim. However, if you choose, it's a choice. Now that you know if you choose to stay a victim and to stay in that mentality that it is their fault, that they hurt you, that they broke your heart, that they wronged you, you are powerless to healing your heart and to healing that story and to healing that perception so that you don't bring that into your next relationship. So the greatest gift, gift you can give your future self is learn how to come back to healing and love and learn how to take full responsibility for your side of the street and what part of you participated in that relationship, which was your saboteur, getting to know her and getting to love her and love the Wounded Little girl that's underneath your saboteur, because that's the secret. Your saboteur is simply the like babysitter. She's the protector of the wounded little girl who was wounded since you were a kid, right? Who carries beliefs like I'm not lovable, I'm not worthy, I'm not good enough. And then the saboteur goes out looking for people to to prove that to be true, so she can keep you small and keep you safe, quote, unquote, but actually she's hurting you. She can keep you in this little invisible prison inside of yourself, all in the name of protecting you, but that is no longer protecting you when you were a child, bless her for her services. You deeply needed her. Thank God your saboteur was there for you to learn how to shape shift, how to contort, how to people please, how to control, how to be perfect. Because based on whatever your conditioning was and all of the influences of your saboteur, you had to learn how to be that way, to survive, to feel safe, to feel like you belong, to get love. But now if your saboteur is still driving the car and driving your relationships, you are only hurting yourself, and you're robbing yourself of real, expanded love. And here's the thing, you might meet someone and be in fantasy and be all high from them being the perfect person and everything you've ever wanted in a new relationship, and think this is it. It's not it until you deeply love yourself, and deeply love yourself, like if you have a voice that is punishing you internally, that's constantly judging you, that can't even fully connect with yourself in the mirror. You only look in the mirror to put makeup on or to you put clothes on, to hide or to prove yourself, or you know, if you're, if you're freezing your face to not age because you think that's gonna make you more attractive. Or if you like, whatever you're doing, if you're, if you're doing, if your behavior is all in the name of looking good, or other people perceiving you in a good way. You do. You're not in love with yourself, right? If you're not fully attuned to your own body and following and truly honoring your yeses and nos, you do not love yourself and the the reality is, most women don't. Most women don't, and it is not your fault. We have been taught to hate ourselves. Why? Because when we hate ourselves, we buy more stuff, we buy we get more cosmetic surgery, we buy more we buy more anti depressions, we buy more clothes, we buy more things to make us feel better. We are so much more susceptible to all of the consumerism, all the capitalism all around us. When we hate ourselves, we're also more controllable, right? We're also the ones who are going to say yes to being underpaid in that job because we don't love ourselves. So learning how to love yourself is the most important thing in the entire world, women spend hour and hours their whole lifetimes, laying in bed dreaming of some man or woman or whatever to come and rescue them, to give them the love they've never felt they never got to feel in their childhood, to shower them with Praise and love, but if you do not have that deep, reverent love for yourself internally, you'll never be able to fully receive that from another person. Right? You might think you're receiving it, but if you're still beating the shit out of yourself constantly, and you're still contorting yourself and pleasing and and trying to be perfect and overworking and over functioning and doing everything for everyone, but not taking care of yourself, working insane hours and never creating space for yourself, always in the fantasy of the future, once I get the guy, once I get the other job, once I have the vacation, once I get to the weekend, then I'll feel better. You. Not love yourself, and this is everything for the new paradigm, not only of breakups, divorce and endings, but this is everything for living a life that you love, but also for experiencing expanded love. Because expanded love comes when you are really meet someone who is in full alignment with the fullness of who you are. They match you. They're meeting you. You feel met by them. So if you're coming from your wounding, guess what, Matt, guess what? Energy is going to be matched someone in their wounding, right? If you're coming from that little wounded girl who doesn't believe that she's worthy of love, what are you going to attract someone that's a perfect fit for that, right? You're not going to attract deep, beautiful, honoring full love with someone who's on their own path, who's full within themselves, unless you are. So let this be an opportunity for you to do something different. I believe that breakups divorce and ending. So whether it's a job ending, or you're going through a massive loss in your life and grieving, or you're going through divorce, no matter what, this is an opportunity for you to awaken all of the parts of yourself that you have been that have been shut down inside of this relationship. This is an opportunity for you. It's a catalyst and an opportunity for you to become the love of your own life, and I have to say, the love, the love inside of you like I'm going through so So here's all the changes that I'm going through since my birthday. My birthday was May 12. There was a big Scorpio Full Moon on my birthday, and since then, I have completed my relationship with so much love. We had this really powerful conversation when I came back from Kenya, we kind of knew, I mean, I knew before Kenya, and then when I felt the expansiveness of my being in Kenya, being in nature, being around such open hearted people, just working on the book, just relaxing and being in creativity. I could feel that every time I talked to my partner, there was a contraction that occurred. I love him. There's so much sweetness and love in my heart, but I could feel a contraction. So I knew in my body this was going to complete, but I knew it would take some time. So I came home from Kenya, we slowly, you know, had some conversations. We started to have the conversations about it. I went to Corfu for the immersion, and we didn't speak while I was in Corfu, and we took a little break just not texting, except a couple times, just to get back to ourselves, to reconnect and really access our truth. And then we had a conversation. When I got back, we were both clear that this was the time we're going in different directions. It just felt like complete and that both deeply, deeply grateful for what this relationship has healed in both of us and done for us. And then we had a celebratory ending. He came over. We had bubbly rose, we had sushi, we talked about the highs and lows of our relationship. We laughed, we cried, we we had the most beautiful, affectionate, loving completion. And now, I mean, he's he's still living in my neighborhood, he got a place nearby, so we see each other, and we we've spent time together a couple times, and we're both crystal clear. We're just have a loving friendship now, and so that is available to you, especially if you are ending a relationship with someone that you still in your heart deeply love, and you're staying because you don't want to hurt them. You're staying because you don't want to let them down. You're staying because you don't believe that they can handle the ending. This story is for you, right? I recognize that some people's endings, and we'll talk about the messy ones, are more with people who are really challenging. I have a friend right now going through a divorce that's a bit messy, that's with her ex that's very narcissistic and very painful. And so there that's another, another path, but you can also do that one differently. So I'll talk about that one in a sec. But with the relationship ending, with the nice guy, with the person that you love deeply, who you care about so much, and your your saboteur is keeping you there just because you don't want to hurt them, you can have an ending like we did. And here's the most important thing, that you are honest, that you own your side of the street. Don't make it about them. Right for me, it wasn't like, Oh, my love, you are not good enough for me, or like this, like you're I can't grow inside of this relationship. It was all about me. It was like, I feel in my heart like I'm here to expand more, and this relationship feels complete. The container of this relationship in the way it is doesn't feel like it's serving my expansion anymore. Same with living in a city, same with living in my apartment in Athens. So I also. Simultaneously, a few weeks later, gave notice for my apartment. I'm moving out of my apartment. I'm moving my Greek stuff, like the stuff that I will because I will come back to Greece in the spring for the next immersion. We have spots left if you want to join us, but I will come back to Greece. So I'm moving my stuff into a dear friend's apartment and going to store my stuff there, but I'm actually letting go because my apartment, even though it's beautiful, even though it's big, even though it's really held me and served me for the time that I've been here, I've also outgrown it when I've come home from Kenya, and when I came home from courty estate in Corfu, where we do the immersion that is so beautiful. Both Ola pangi and Kenya and Corti are just like, oh, so expansive, so naturey, so beautiful. As soon as I came and so bright and light. As soon as I came back to my home, my apartment in Athens, I just felt like, Oh, this is too dark. This is too like, it's a box. I don't want to live in a box anymore. I want to be outside. I want to be in nature. And so when I come back to Greece, most likely it's going to be on an island. Next year, I'll probably just stay in Corfu for three months or for six months. So that is the the leaving with love. And when you have like, the more you create space inside of yourself and in your life, for you, right? I meditate every day, and meditating every day. A client asked me recently, she's like, do you just sit on a cushion in silence? And is that how you meditate? No, my meditation is so feminine. I sit. I do start with sitting. Sometimes I have cacao because it really just is supportive of the whole experience. I put on music, whatever music I'm feeling like in that moment, and I do it first thing in the morning. I wake up really early, and I used to like, I used to, okay, so for those of you who are like, I can't meditate, my mind's too busy. That used to be me. I used to not be able to sit still. I used to not be able to meditate. I used to, like not be able to shut off my mind. I used to not be able to sit without leaning against a wall or laying down. And now I because I keep going deeper and deeper and deeper, I can sit for hours, but I don't just sit. So I put on music, I set the container so it feels really nourishing. It feels like it's holding me every morning before touching my phone. I have an a lot. This is self love practice, right? If you want to become the love of your life, so you can actually experience the love that your soul is here to experience, which is not love me from my needy, Wounded Little girl, but actually, I'm a sovereign woman who's deeply in love with herself and her life and now being loved from that place. What kind of person are you going to attract from that place? I mean, gosh, it's extraordinary. What's available to you, right? But most people don't know expanded love. My method is called the expanded love method that I developed, which is the saboteur and heroin practices. And if you don't, if you are not the love of your own life, if you don't have access that deep, infinite fountain of self love inside of you, and you're not living and accessing and connecting to that every single day, you do not have expanded love, even if you love your partner, like what's available to you you can't even see right now, and that's because most relationships are pattern based. Why?

Kate Harlow: 00:33:29

Because this is all like everything that we have been programmed to believe love is, is coming from the mind, and it's love is actually, yes, you can have the most expanded love, like so much love is available to you, not just in romantic form, and it's going to blow your heart wide open. It's going to be way bigger than you could have ever fathomed. But it's not coming from a part of you that needs it, right? Because as soon as you don't feel good inside, and then you have love, and you're like, Oh, this is the thing. Well, now you're dependent on that thing to feel good, and that is the setup to never feel good and to be on a roller coaster ride of needing that person to make you feel good, which is set up for CO dependency. It's a setup for it not not being satiating long term. Also, it's not really fair to the other person for you to be their sort, for them to be your source, or vice versa. But when you are full with love inside of yourself already, and you love your life and yourself, imagine what's possible with love, right? Someone who also loves themselves, who's also deeply connected to the truth of who they are, and doesn't need you, but chooses you, wants to be with you, wants to, wants to open their hearts with you. So much more is possible from this place. So okay, that went, I went on a super tangent, but expanded Love is everything. And think about with breakups too. We have been, we have been bombarded with messages that breakups are dramatic. Yeah. All the breakup movies, everything is I hate you. It's dramatic. I'm gonna hurt you. I'm gonna chat like all that saboteur that's all patterns. And so we often think that's how it's supposed to be. And then we're like, oh my God, He broke my heart. And then we call 10 of our friends and tell the story over and over again. How about how this other person broke your heart, which is so disempowering, he did not break your heart. You did because you told that story over and over and over again, and then you also told the story that you it should be different, that you should be with him, that you should be together, that he shouldn't have hurt you, that he's a horrible person, whatever the story may be, that's what keeps you in the heartbreak feeling right, rather than using this time as a catalyst to fall in love with yourself, as a catalyst to deeply hold yourself and that little wounded girl, because inside of you is a Wounded Little girl, but also a heroine. There is a beautiful heart and soul inside of you that's always waiting for you, that's your heroine. She's always ready to pour love into you anytime you actually make the space for it, but you have to choose to make the space for it. And you know, also having a support system and learning how to do this and having a mentor guide you through it is easier. So if you listen to me on the podcast and you have a hard time doing it for yourself. Perhaps it's time to actually come on the journey with me. I have a few private spots that are opening up at the end of end of June, but it might be the time for you to actually go on your journey to learning how to love yourself and how to live from that love within you. If you haven't been able to figure it out on your own, because your mind will never figure it out. Your mind will keep you in suffering. Your mind will keep you in drama and trauma. Your mind, if you just feed the stories, oh, it's my attachment style, it's my trauma, you will just stay in the same place, attracting the same thing. If you want to create a new reality, you have to make new choices. You will never create a new reality without making new choices. So this, this week, or the last few weeks, from, from my story I was I was sharing, completing my relationship with love, completing my relationship with my apartment with love, creating my relationship or leaving my relationship with Athens with love. So while I'm here, and I'm not just not saying I won't come back to Athens, that's not known yet, I'm just clear that I'm done with this apartment. I am coming back to Greece in the spring, but I am basking in Athens right now. I'm basking in the magic of Greece right now, because I'm no I'm going to be leaving for eight months. I'm going to Vancouver, and then I'm going to Kenya, and so I'm really bathing in the love right now. So then the more, here's the thing, the more you create this space inside of you, the more you commit to practices. Okay, I remember where I was before, so I'm going to circle back to the practices. My meditation, I said, I sit on the cushion. I play the music. Sometimes I have cacao or tea, and I just sit. And I recently added a mirror. I have a mirror about five or five to six feet away from me, and I start with my eyes closed, and I move and I sing. It depends on what the music is. I make sounds I sit. Sometimes I just drop deep, deep, deep into stillness with my eyes closed. Other times, I open my eyes and I lovingly eye gaze with myself. This might sound weird, but it's actually I only added this this last week, and I tell you, my my levels of self love have deepened like astronomically, and I already loved myself a lot. I'm seeing myself different. My face is changing. It's wild. My loves like It's wild. You're trying to get beauty from fucking Botox and and makeup and covering up and numbing and freezing and all that stuff that is not going to ever make you feel beautiful. You might think when you look in the mirror you look beautiful because you're subscribing to some beauty standard that other people set for you. But when you come home and you learn how to listen to your truth, and you start to cut out those things your body, like right now, I cut out coffee. I cut out alcohol. And I'm not saying I'm not I'll never have a glass of wine again, like I just right now, it's, it's feeling like such a no in my body. I cut out coffee. I've been like majorly drinking coffee since I've been in Greece, because it's a big part of the culture here. And I just switched to tea because my body is I'm so attuned right now to my own inner guidance that nothing stays. And coming back to the very beginning astrology, that's what's happening in the planet right now. We are get becoming more sensitive, more attuned, and the planet is awakening, and we everything. I just think of that everything must go sale like we're literally purging. Everything Must Go that doesn't feel aligned. So I'm in this place and I'm doing these mere practices. I'm noticing my skin is looking younger. So note that, and maybe it's from the coffee. Coffee, right? Maybe it's because I'm not having coffee and alcohol and things that dehydrate my skin, but maybe I believe it's also from the love practices. So I will spend hours and my day. You know, you could say, oh, you're lucky. You have the time. Actually, first of all, I get up really early, and second of all, I created my life like this on purpose. I live in Europe, and all of my clients are in, most of them, not all in North America. So I don't start my day till three o'clock. And I have calls, I have podcasts, I have all the things. But before three o'clock i My day is my own. So I bathe in my own love and, you know, and then I'll do a little bit of admin work and other things. But for the most part, I'm just like going to Pilates, hanging out at my coffee shop, doing my practices. So the practices look like I'll start sitting and sometimes I close my eyes, and sometimes I open my eyes and I send love to myself. Sometimes I sing to myself love songs that's so powerful. Sometimes I cry, sometimes I sit in stillness, sometimes I scream. Sometimes I'm I dance and move. It's whatever my body calls me to do that morning, and the more you create the space for it, and you can even if your mind tells you you're too busy, that is the problem. That story is a lifelong trap of especially the western world, but North America especially, that is a lifelong trap. Like, oh, I'll do it when I have more time. Oh, I've had so many women reach out to me and want to do this work. And they're like, Okay, I'll do it one day, next year, next month, or next whatever, when I'm less busy. And I always say, like, Do you actually believe you're going to be less busy? Because the reality is, the part of you that's leading has been programmed to be busy, right? Because if we're busy, we're disempowered and we're controllable. If you're busy, you will never listen to your inner guidance. You will listen to your saboteur ego, mind that is rooted in fear, and you will make all the choices that make you not feel good, and then you'll feel anxious and depressed, and you'll go to the doctor, and they'll not help you numb it out. Or you'll, you'll, you'll become your own doctor, and you'll find other ways to numb and you will miss your life, this breakup, this divorce, this ending, whatever you are going through, my love, this is the greatest opportunity right now. This is your time to choose something different. This is a huge opportunity. It's a catalyst. It's an awakening. So let's talk about if you have

Kate Harlow: 00:42:32

an ending happening right now with with someone who drives you crazy. I'm going to say it's the same thing, right? This is an opportunity for you to go deep into your own pain and your own side of the street. What were my patterns that kept me in this relationship? And how can I own my side of the street? Because if you are in blame, you're powerless, and you will be tortured by this person in this situation. I remember working with an amazing woman years ago who was going through divorce, and her husband was a extreme narcissist, and she had been a doormat in their relationship. And so I remember when she came to the immersion, had a massive cracking open, woke up her sensuality and her power, and she was so different. And then when we started, she hired me to work together to help her navigate her divorce with love, and it was so powerful. I remember this one time she sent me a Voxer. My clients have private walkie talkie access to me, and she sent me a Voxer, and she said, Kate, oh my god, I can't believe he just did this thing. We were in a divorce lawyer meeting, blah, blah, blah. I can't believe it. She was so enraged, and she was in blame, and she was fighting, and she was so angry, and my response to her was, okay, I have one question for you. Is that true, that you can't believe it, because I've never met this man, and I'm not remotely surprised that he did, said and behaved in that way. He's actually doing, saying and behaving in the way he always has. So perhaps next meeting, you do your practices, you plug into the love and the truth of who you are, and you show up at that meeting differently. You show up at that meeting, not needing him to be different. You show up at that meeting seeing him through the eyes of love, not accepting all the horrible things that happened. That's not what that is, but but showing up knowing he's just in his wounding, his little boy, his protective mechanism. It's not about you. You're simply activating pain in him, just like he's activating pain in you. So when that little girl feels the pain, love her up. Let her feel. Stop feeding the story about him being wrong and bad. Go into your pain, love that little girl inside of yourself, and then come back to that sovereign woman who is rooted in love and worth, who can go into that meeting and be not attacked. Watched and be expect him to behave how he's been behaving, but you show up from a completely different energy frequency, and watch what happens my client's husband, former husband, was short circuiting. It was so powerful, and it happened over and over and over again, and like she went from being this, like doormat in her relationship to now a sacred sensuality and relationship coach, helping women awaken their sexual energy, their sensuality, helping women heal how they do relationship like that's who she is in the world now, many years later, so she did a TEDx. She wrote a book like she is has a totally different life on the other side of that breakup, this is what's available to you, right? You can use this time and be a fucking victim. My love said, with love, you can use this time and be a victim. You can use this time and stay in blame. You can use this time and stay in fantasy that it should be different. The reality is, if you and this person, if this person's gone and they're meant to come back into your life, still fall in love with yourself, still use this time to grow and evolve, because your relationship will have much more likely an opportunity of actually working next time. If it does, if you are meant to be in relationship together one day, if it does, circle back, it's only going to work if you show up from a different part of yourself. So use this time as an opportunity to get to know that part of you. Use this time to fall in love with the woman that is inside of you, who's waiting for you to love her, who's waiting for you to show up in a new way, who's waiting for you to deepen into that infinite, beautiful fountain that's inside of you, of love. This might sound weird if you've never accessed this before, but I promise you, it's available. And my clients always say, like, when we're on the journey together, they're like, Oh, I took Kate, I took four steps forward and five steps back. I feel like, I feel like I'm, I'm, I'm failing at this, or whatever. They'll have moments like that. And of course, that's the saboteur. That's protection, because the reality is, we're no longer on a timeline. This isn't about growth, like real growth. Real growth isn't about like, moving forward or moving backwards. It's about deepening into yourself more and more and more and more, and the more you deepen into the magic and beauty and expansiveness of who you really are. The more you you increase your vibration and frequency in the world simultaneously. So you're going deeper into you, your vibration and frequency goes higher. And then what happens? Then you attract, you become a complete magnet to a life that you love, which is who I am and where I am, right? If any of you think, Oh, I could never do what Kate does. She's just lucky. No, I'm not. I this is from me doing everything I've shared, everything I share with you. The reason my life is so magical and so aligned, and I have the most amazing opportunities and my purpose is growing. There's so many exciting things coming, like, way beyond what my mind could have ever made up that is never been done before. Like it's new information, new new ways of expressing this work in the world are coming through, and I will share it with you one day when they're more developed. But that only happens. And the depth of community I have, and of deep, deep, deep soul sisters I have, and love and and, you know, this magical life living in Europe now I'm moving to Kenya because my heart's pulling me there. And like having this

Kate Harlow: 00:48:32

freedom and having this beautiful life isn't because I'm lucky, right? I used to hate myself. I used to think I was not good at anything. I thought I was stupid. I like when Regina, my saboteur, was in charge. I was the opposite of how I am now, and so was my life. So this is available to you too. I've witnessed so many women go through this journey. Definitely join me in the masterclass June 23 to 27th every single day for 75 minutes, I will go live in a zoom. We will we will connect with each other. We'll go deep into each archetype. And this will change your life if you show up fully. So block it off in your calendar and do whatever it takes to be there as many live classes as you can. I will, of course, link the link below, and it's on my website, the unscripted woman.com you can find it on my Instagram. Kate Harlow, the unscripted woman, but it's time to burn the script of what relationships are supposed to be. There's a new paradigm, and every relationship is going to help you grow into more of who you are. So if you let go of like even this idea that divorce and breakups or failure is fucking bullshit. There's no such thing. There's no such thing. You just outgrew it. It's just no longer a fit to the woman you've become. And it's it's this relationship fit an old version of yourself. Let yourself grow into new versions of yourselves. And when you do so many things are going. To fall away. So many things are going to fall away. Let them. Let them fall away with love. You can do it so differently, and you can become so empowered, and this will change every facet of your life if you learn to live this way. You are not a victim. You are not powerless to your circumstance. You are not powerless to a life that keeps you small and is mediocre and feels so bad, so much more is available to you, I promise you, and this is your opportunity. So I had this, I had this epiphany the other day. Feels pretty profound. I was walking and like I said, I just feel like I'm deepening into my spiritual self more right now. Since Kenya, I just so many, so many new I'm opening up new channels. I'm having so many more downloads, so much more creative inspiration. And it's because I've gone deeper into the love within. But I had this download. I was walking in the park, and I heard this voice say human being. And I was like, Oh, my God, human being. We have been programmed to believe we are humans without the being. How many, when I if I had $1 for how many women I've met who are like, Oh, I'm just not spiritual, yeah, I just don't believe in that. It's like, yeah, you are. You're a being. You're a being that's your soul, that's your divinity, that's a part of you that never was born and never died, that just came into this body, into this human experience, and then one day we'll leave right? That's why our loved ones, when they die, they're always there. I mean my relationship to my best friend. I've shared this story a few times over the years, but my best friend in the world Christian who was like my soulmate, not in a romantic way, but he was my soul brother. He we were so connected at such a young age, as before my awakening, before I knew myself, but we had such a beautiful love and such a beautiful connection, and he committed suicide when I was 22 years old, and it fucking rocked my world. I mean, I blamed myself for the first couple of years I had to do so much deep healing because he called me that night. I didn't answer the phone. I was supposed to go to his house that night, like it was complicated and I had so much blame on myself, but once I healed that wounded little girl who took on the responsibility of someone else's life, which is never your responsibility. By the way, if you feel that from loss that you've experienced, everyone's soul journey is is here. Everyone's soul is here for a different timeline. We think we're all here for the same timeline, but we're not. You don't even know how long your soul is going to be on planet Earth, but your soul is always there, right? That's why we can connect with the other side. And I'm actually channeling not just Christian, but a few other people on the other side right now is so powerful and so beautiful, but Christian has been my spiritual business partner. He was the one guiding me. His initials, his like there have been so many divine signs, and he, his voice comes to me and breath work and deep meditation over the years. And he, he passed away like 22 years ago, and he is still my spiritual business partner and my soulmate, like we have. He has helped me so much from the other side, more than probably like, who knows what would have happened if we were still in the human experience together? So that's the reality. Is, you are a human being, right? Even if, right now your mind, your saboteur, doesn't believe in spiritual, doesn't feel like you're spiritual. You have been programmed by the powers that be, by the media, by the government, by the school system, by religion, a lot of religions, by so many things that there that you are not this beautiful, powerful, manifesting soul, being divinity like that, the divine lives inside of you, and you always, always have access to that part that is your inner guidance system. And, and all of the women who worked with me know when you start listening to your truth, that's when you see magic. That's when you realize how synchronistic this planet is, and, and I'm sure even if you're not listening to your inner guidance, you've had experience. Experiences where you think of someone and then you see them, or you have a desire, and then it comes true right away, because you weren't attached like there is so much magic available to us, and that is actually what this planet is. The frequency of planet Earth is divinity and synchronicity and ease and flow. We are only struggling because we think we're the human without the being, if you're only feeding the human part, right? The human is the struggle. It's the fear, it's it's the physical experience. It's your senses. It's your ability to receive pleasure. It's your ability to feel pain. It's your saboteur, ego, mind, right? It's. Wounding that is the human experience. It's physical, but the being part of you is the part that's infinite. It's the part that's interconnected to everything. It's the part that deeply trusts life and knows when your heart just says, let this go, that you can trust that, when your heart says, this is a yes, you can trust that, and the more you trust that, the more you get to see how magical life is and that you can live in the flow of life leading you. I mean, like I've shared before, I did not even know Africa wasn't even on my radar, and now I'm living there half the year, because I love it so much. And my heart led me there, and life led me there, a magical phone call, because Mariana, my best friend, went to a party, randomly. She got invited to, very spontaneously, to and met some guy who was like, Oh, you do retreats. You should go to this place, Ola pangi farm, in Kenya. And, like, she called me and said, We're going to Kenya. And I was like, Kenya, okay? And I just felt like something light up in my body, even though I didn't even know anything about Kenya. And now Kenya is like the love of my life, and so is Greece, and so is me and all of my friends and the life that I've created from this place. So this is such an opportunity. Love never dies. It just changes form. This is an opportunity for you to rise into your power, for you to rise into owning your side of the street and choosing to do this breakup, this ending, this rupture, differently. Right? Your heroin, if you're going through a traumatic ending, your hair, whether it's a loss of someone you love, death, you're going through a job loss, you're going through a relationship loss, divorce, challenging with you have a crazy ex. You're the little girl inside of you needs to be held. She needs to feel she needs to be loved. But feeding the story is hurting her and you. It's keeping you trapped right. Feeding the drama story and telling all your friends about how shitty your ex is is keeping you stuck. This is an opportunity for you to let that little girl feel her pain and feel her sadness and feel her grief and feel the loss, and then as you let her fully feel that those feelings will alchemize into something else, and you will rise into your power. This is the biggest opportunity for you. So are you going to take it? That's my question. It's up to you. Nobody's coming to rescue you. Nobody will ever do it for you. This is your time. This is a massive opportunity. Please join me in the expanded love masterclass. I would love to meet you in person. Well, in zoom, not person, but you know, on Zoom, I would love to, well, I do want to meet you in person. Come to Greece, but I would love to see you in person. I would love to on Zoom. I would love to support you. To go deep into each archetype. I know there's going to be so much new stuff, so share it with all your sisters who are going through big transition right now. This is the time of the planet. The pattern app has been so helpful to understand my astrology and to see what's happening planetarily, um, there's so many resources out there. You are so worthy of love, and it's not outside of you, baby, it's inside. So go deeper. Go deeper, go deeper. There is an endless, infinite source of love inside of you, and when you are tapped into that, the love that you get to experience in your life will blow your heart wide open and is beyond anything you've ever felt before. I promise you that so love you share this episode with every woman you know, and we will see you next week.