Navigating Triggers During the Holidays

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If you are awake enough to own your side of the

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street, to feel your feelings, to see how your pattern

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contributes to this dynamic that is everything. Owning your side

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of the street is the most important thing you can do in

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your life, in all of your relationships. I was talking to

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my bestie last night, and I was saying how it's so wild to be at

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a place in my life where I don't blame people anymore, like I

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might blame someone for a second, but I don't stay in

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blame. I have zero stories where I'm like, That person hurt me,

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and they're banned forever, like I move through and own my side

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of the street or or do the deeper healing that my heart and

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soul need that I don't stay in blame. Because when you actually

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look in the mirror and you go through the process of owning

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your story and taking responsibility for your part,

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you can't stay in blame, which is the most liberating

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thing. Hello. My

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loves. Happy Holidays. Kate Harlow here for

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another episode of the new truth season three, navigating

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triggers during the holidays. This is such an important topic.

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And my intention this month? How is it already December? I don't

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know, but my intention this month is to do an episode every

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week in devotion to whatever kinds of things arise during the

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holidays that I hear over and over again from women. So this

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is the first one I'm going to tackle, for lack of a better

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word address invite you into because obviously it's a hot

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time of year, right? I don't mean literally, although I'm in

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Kenya, so yes, it is hot. I'm wearing a tank top right now,

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but it can be a very and of course, in Australia and all

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those you know, the southern hemisphere, it is a hot time of

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year. But I mean, emotionally for people, there is so much

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going on during the holiday season. There's so many layers

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to why the holidays are so can be so triggering for so many so

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today we're specifically going to focus on people triggers, as

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this episode is coming out at the beginning of December. So

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you probably have a lot of events going on. You have a lot

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of, you know, Christmas parties, family events. Those of you

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Americans in the house are, you know, just coming off

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Thanksgiving, so perhaps you're still in a trigger from last

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weekend, but, yeah, that's what I want to address today. Because

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my intention is that you use this time of year that can be so

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deeply triggering and that can be so confronting and feel

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heavy. You know, it's really fascinating, because when you

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think about the experience of Christmas for children, you

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know, if they have a good family and and if they have sweet

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traditions, like little kids love Christmas, the energy and

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essence in its purest form. If we take out all the religious

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stuff and we just look at the purest form of this holiday

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season, it's magic, right? It's magic, it's it's beauty, it's

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wonder, it's awe, it's joy, it's connection, it's love. It's

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coming together. It's gathering. It's intimacy. It's celebrating.

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It's singing. It's giving, generosity, like this season

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represents so much beauty, and yet so many people walk through

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the holidays feeling totally lonely, depressed, stressed out,

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overwhelmed, anxious, drunk, full, stuffed, and you know,

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feeling these dense, heavy, more painful feelings. And so my hope

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for you this holiday season is that you turn it around and you

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start to discover the magic again by taking full

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responsibility for yourself and everything about your life,

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especially starting with your triggers, or, as I like to call

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them, activations, because, you know, we're either a victim to

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life happening, or we're in charge of our lives. I've worked

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with so many women over the years who traditionally, prior

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to the heroin journey with me, they felt like the holiday

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seasons were really heavy, and they get closer and closer to

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the holidays, and they'd start to feel fear, you know, they

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come November, the weather would change, if they're in the

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northern hemisphere, and they'd start to feel like that darkness

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and that depression. Some of them even would go on

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antidepressants just during that season, like November till

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March, just to handle that time of year because it was so heavy,

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right this like anticipatory fear of the density and

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heaviness to come. But if we actually look at the time of

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year, we're going into hibernation. We're going into

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Yin time. We're going into our internal coziness and our.

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Spaciousness, to rest, to rejuvenate, to replenish

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ourselves, so that come spring, we can be ready to create again,

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to manifest, to to express, to to, you know, adventure and so

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naturally, this time of year is actually a really beautiful time

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of year, but because so many of us have traumas from the past?

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Have traumas from dysfunctional families, dysfunctional family

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gatherings. Have traumas from now in their adult life, going

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back to their families and feeling like maybe you go

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backwards when you go home. Certainly this is another

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conversation with women I work with, is that our families are

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our greatest opportunities for growth. I like to look at it,

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but also like that some of where our deepest wounds exist, so

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actually working through our triggers, and, you know, healing

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with our family system, family of origin, where we grew up,

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where all our patterns were originally developed, usually

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that's the place that we grow the slowest, right that that is

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the most challenging. But in my experience, those places that

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are the most challenging end up being the most rewarding if

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you're willing to do it differently, right? So if you're

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just going to be a victim to this time of year, or a victim

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to your family, and just live in the story of like, Oh, I hate

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this season. It sucks. But I'm going to go to Christmas dinner,

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and I'm going to hate everyone, and I'm going to and I'm going

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to drink my face off, or eat, eat all the cookies in the in

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the box to try and suppress how I'm feeling, and then feel

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horrible the next day. And, you know, drag all this energy into

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to the new year. That's an option, right? It's an option to

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be a victim of our circumstance, for sure. And you know

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you actually can't, like you are a victim of your circumstance,

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until you're awake and until you know that there's other

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possibilities, that you actually are the creator of your own

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reality, or the CO creator, right, life, the universe, the

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divine, the natural intelligence of this planet is orchestrating

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a beautiful experience for you here on planet Earth that

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doesn't come without challenge, doesn't come without pain, but

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there's so much opportunity for you to grow into this

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extraordinary woman, and for you to become you know, this

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unscripted, wild, free, beautiful woman who has a life

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that She loves that's possible for you, but it's not possible

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if you're sitting in the seat of the victim. So going into this

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holiday season, if you are experiencing triggers with

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people in your life, I want to say, awesome. Let's unpack it.

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Let's talk about how you can fully learn and grow from these

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activations. And actually, let's talk about that for a sec, and

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then let's create a whole new reality. Let's use this season

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as a time to grow, as opposed to a time to shrink, or a time to

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stay stuck, or a time to reinforce your old stories. So I

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use the word activation, and a lot of teachers are using this

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word now, activation over trigger. The reason I like the

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word, I mean, you can even probably just feel the

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difference before I even explain why. But the word trigger, first

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of all, it comes from a gun. I feel like maybe a man came up

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with that word. It comes from a gun. It feels violent to me,

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like I'm triggered. You triggered me. People say that

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all the time, which is a victim statement, you did something to

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me. You triggered me versus I feel activated right now. I'm

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feeling really activated right now. Now. You could be activated

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like in a pleasurable way. You could be turned on, you could be

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lit up. You could be excited. You could be inspired. You also

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could be activated in a painful way. Feel small, feel like you

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don't matter, feel like you don't belong, you don't fit in,

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you're not worthy, you're not lovable, right? Our activations

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range, and really, what our activations are are just these

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old faulty beliefs that live inside of us, the little girl

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who was hurt and shut down and told who to be and told you know

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what to think and what's good and what's good and bad and

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what's right and wrong. Who had to repress the magic of who she

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was feels activated often right until we start to heal our

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relationship with that little version of you, she'll feel

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activated. And my invitation to you is to start to look at your

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painful activations as a gateway. They are a gateway. I

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just a couple of weeks ago, I did the starting over weekend

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workshop, which was amazing with about 30 women from all over the

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world. And it was all about rewriting the story of a big

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transition they're going through. It was mostly women

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going through divorce, breakup, maybe a big move, a big career

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change, but ultimately, it was about taking responsibility for

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the rewrite of the story and looking at the painful ending or

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rupture that they experienced as a catalyst for a new beginning,

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as a catalyst for growth, as an opportunity to become. Them who

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they've been repressing inside of that relationship or that job

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or whatever that thing might be. So every time you experience an

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activation, and this is how I feel in my life, it's like,

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okay, it doesn't feel good to be painfully activated, of course,

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like, of course, it doesn't feel good. Even for me, I had a big

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activation this week, and in the midst of the activation, it

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feels bad, it feels hurtful. It is tender to that part of us

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that that that makes it mean something right? That's the only

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reason we are hurt by activations is other people do

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say, behave in a certain way, and it touches on a a faulty

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belief inside of us and a wounded little part of us, and

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it actually reinforces that wound. If we believe the

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meaning, and we the saboteur, is going to make meaning of that

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activation, and that's actually the thing that hurts. I'll give

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you an example, like you go through a breakup, and your

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activation is like, I must not be enough. Like what I it's

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like, no matter what I do, it's not enough. And you know, why

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wasn't I enough for him? Why wasn't enough for that person?

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Why? You know, what could I have done differently? We internalize

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it, make it mean something about us. But if you zoom out from a

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spiritual perspective, or from a like divine orchestration

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perspective, that situation is moving away from you for a

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reason. There's something more in yourself that's being

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awakened or activated, right? If you're on a journey of becoming

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the unscripted woman, aka awakening your heroine,

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awakening the soul of who you are and why you're here. These

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activations happen to unlock parts of us that have been shut

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down, if you're willing to see that right, but most people just

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stay in the story. Most people just stay in the blame. Stay in

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the story. Stay in the the the right and wrong, good and bad,

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and then we and then we stay so small, and this, this beautiful

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moment that could have been a catalyst for you, that could

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have been even like a little trigger, can be a catalyst for

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you, that could have been an awakening for you, that could

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have allowed you to step into another part of yourself,

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becomes something that represses you further right. So when your

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saboteur is in charge, that's what happens. Little little you

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gets repressed even further, instead of liberated, right? So

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your activations are either making you really small or

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they're liberating you to reclaim those parts of you that

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are shut down. So number one step in navigating your triggers

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is to remember, and I know you've heard this before from

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me, from probably many other spiritual teachers, your

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activations or triggers, if you want to call them, that are a

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mirror, they are a mirror. And if you are not sitting in front

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of the mirror with what is this reflecting about me right now,

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if you are just staying in blame of your annoying aunt from

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Christmas dinner, or your controlling mother in law or

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your husband that you want to punch in the face, or whoever,

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if you are just staying in the story of blame, if you're just

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staying in the story that is a bad person. Okay? As soon as I

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make someone else bad, what does that do? This is the ego. Right?

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We were taught to do this religion, especially if you grew

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up in a religious home, you have been deeply programmed to make

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people wrong and bad, and in that moment, you're righteous,

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you're better, you're better than right. If we make other

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people wrong and bad. We're better, but the reality is,

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we're not better. Nobody's better. We are all divine, and

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we are all fucked up humans with wounded parts of us. We're all

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the same. Actually, we're incredibly unique, if we've if

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you heard last week's episode, Chris is amazing episode last

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week about sexual empowerment and healing. The soul is your

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uniqueness. The spirit is our sameness, where we are all one,

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we are all one, we are all connected, all humans on planet

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earth, all beings on planet Earth. The soul is the unique

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essence of who you are, and then your human self is where your

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nervous system lives, your feelings, your ability to

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experience life, but also all those old traumas and stories

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that live inside of your human and I'll say your saboteur, or

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other people say the ego mind, right? So we hold on to this

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other people are wrong and bad, and what that does is in the

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moment, right? It's like when you go gossip to your friends.

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Someone wronged you, your boss yelled at you, someone treated

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you poorly, a guy ghosted you, you know your your brother

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yelled at you. Whatever the thing might be, you go to your

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friends, and in that moment, they validate you. They're like,

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yeah, that person's bad, yeah, yeah, yeah. Donald Trump is bad.

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Bad your ex boyfriend is a bad man. Your your or your ex

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husband, or your your mother in law, or whoever, whoever the

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person you're blaming might be right.

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And in that moment, little you feels

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so validated, she's like, Yay, I'm right. And

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because she and your saboteur were programmed to believe that

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you're either right or wrong, you're either good or bad, and

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we need to be working really, really hard to be better and

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better and good and good and good. But it's not for ourselves

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and our alignment with our own truth and our soul expression

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and our highest expression in the world. No, it's for a system

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that keeps us separating ourselves from each other, which

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actually separates us from our divinity, right? So if we look

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back to those three aspects of self, the bot, the human self,

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the soul self and the spiritual self. The Spiritual Self is the

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Divinity, and we are all divine, but if we are against each

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other, I'm right, you're wrong, I'm good, you're bad, now we are

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separating ourselves from our own divinity, which means, in

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that moment, you are in your ego, for sure, the saboteur

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absolutely thrives off righteousness. Your saboteur

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wants to be right. So it's going to go talk to 10 people to

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convince everybody that you're right about this person who's

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triggered you and they're wrong. And what will you the people who

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love you do, they'll agree with you. Why? Because they love you

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and they want you to feel good in that moment. They know you're

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in pain, they know you're hurting, and so they want you to

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feel relief. But they're actually not empowering you.

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They're enabling you, right? These are saboteur contracts.

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These are saboteur style relationships, which many, many,

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many, many people have. So we keep each other small, we keep

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each other in the victim mentality. We keep each other in

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blame and attack and righteousness. So in the moment

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that I feel like I'm better than you, right, if I'm blaming you

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for something you've done or said, you're the bad one, you're

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the wrong one, in that moment, I feel like I'm right. I feel like

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I'm a good girl. I'm doing it right, because if you're doing

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it wrong, that means I'm doing it right, so I'm better than you

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right. But again, that separates you from the divinity of who you

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are. So what ends up happening is we leave that engagement, we

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leave that trigger, we leave that thing. Even if everyone

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agrees that we are right and the person we work for is a monster,

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everyone agrees that we are right. That leaves us

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disempowered. It leaves us in disassociation. It leaves us in

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disconnection. It leaves us disconnected from the truth and

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the magnitude of who we are and what is possible here on this

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planet, so much is possible, and what the planet needs is people

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owning their activations, owning their triggers and being able to

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come root down into the truth of who we are, which is love, not

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not love in the sense that you like, stay in an abusive

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relationship and then you just love that person for abusing

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you. No, you remove yourself from environments and places and

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people that you don't want to be around. But if you stay in blame

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with that person, you stay in captivity, you stay in

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righteousness, you stay in right and wrong and good and bad

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mentality, which actually robs you of your divinity and your

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spiritual experience, and it also robs the dynamic of

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transformation I have been doing. I mean, I've been

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coaching for almost 20 years. I have been doing this particular

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I was gonna say work, but I've been on the heroin journey of

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awakening women to the magic of who they are and the life that's

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meant for them for for 10 years, and I have seen the most

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extraordinary miracles that have occurred between families, in

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laws, exes, narcissistic exes, crazy, crazy, triggering

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relationships that have absolutely healed and evolved

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because the woman I'm working with has shifted her

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perspective, has stopped holding the other person hostage, which

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is actually holding herself hostage, and she has owned her

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side of the street. She has looked in the mirror and

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identified what her part is in this dynamic. She has evolved

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beyond it. And what happens naturally all the time. I mean,

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I've seen this hundreds of times. What happens naturally is

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the dynamic changes, and all of a sudden, people, she couldn't

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have fathomed changing change. And it doesn't mean every single

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person will, but my best friend and I have a saying, and it goes

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like this, people will evolve, or they'll dissolve from your

Kate Harlow: 00:19:31

life. And the reality is, you don't have to go cutting people

Kate Harlow: 00:19:34

out, right? That's your ego. If your ego is like cutting that

Kate Harlow: 00:19:37

person out, cutting that person out, cutting that though, it'll

Kate Harlow: 00:19:39

grow 10 heads. This is like playing Whack a Mole. That

Kate Harlow: 00:19:42

person's wrong about that person's wrong, and then the

Kate Harlow: 00:19:44

universe is just gonna send you another one and another one and

Kate Harlow: 00:19:47

another one, until you're willing to get really

Kate Harlow: 00:19:49

uncomfortable and look at your side and look at what you're

Kate Harlow: 00:19:52

contributing to this dynamic. Right once you own your side of

Kate Harlow: 00:19:57

the street and you clean up your side. Of this dynamic, the

Kate Harlow: 00:20:00

dynamic that existed can no longer exist. It can't exist. So

Kate Harlow: 00:20:05

what happens is, either that person shocks you, and when you

Kate Harlow: 00:20:10

show up differently in this dynamic, they start to show up

Kate Harlow: 00:20:12

differently, or they naturally fall away from your life. So

Kate Harlow: 00:20:17

obviously, there's certain situations like you know a

Kate Harlow: 00:20:20

parenting partner who can't naturally fall out of your life

Kate Harlow: 00:20:23

because you need to co parent with them. But the more you stop

Kate Harlow: 00:20:28

participating in the dynamic and you own your side of the street.

Kate Harlow: 00:20:31

You own what your patterns are. Oh, I'm with a narcissist who's

Kate Harlow: 00:20:35

constantly taking, taking what's my side. Oh, I'm a self

Kate Harlow: 00:20:38

sacrificer who's constantly giving and giving. Right? If you

Kate Harlow: 00:20:42

don't clean up your side of the street, nothing will change, and

Kate Harlow: 00:20:45

then you'll keep attracting you can get rid of all of those bad

Kate Harlow: 00:20:48

narcissists in the world, but until you clean up your side of

Kate Harlow: 00:20:51

this great street, nothing will change. So that's the thing.

Kate Harlow: 00:20:55

Like, there's so much personal development content out there

Kate Harlow: 00:20:58

right now, like, look for the red flags. Look for the

Kate Harlow: 00:21:00

narcissist like you got to watch out for these signs, la, la, la,

Kate Harlow: 00:21:04

that just keeps people in victim mentality and blame like, oh,

Kate Harlow: 00:21:07

the narcissists are the big bad guys. Guess what? My loves. We

Kate Harlow: 00:21:10

all have all of these traits inside of us, and you know, we

Kate Harlow: 00:21:15

are all participating in these protective mechanism dynamics

Kate Harlow: 00:21:19

that come from trauma and childhood, and just like you had

Kate Harlow: 00:21:23

trauma in your childhood, so did that person who's very self

Kate Harlow: 00:21:26

centered, right? Or actually, I love the word self centered. I

Kate Harlow: 00:21:29

think we should all be self centered, selfish, selfish,

Kate Harlow: 00:21:32

selfless. Those are on the far extreme selfish. I don't give a

Kate Harlow: 00:21:35

fuck what anyone about anyone's experience. I'm only caring

Kate Harlow: 00:21:39

about my own selfless as I don't give a fuck about my own

Kate Harlow: 00:21:43

experience, I'm only caring about other people's the place

Kate Harlow: 00:21:46

in the middle is centered within yourself. That is where you want

Kate Harlow: 00:21:49

to be. That's the heroine you're considering other but you choose

Kate Harlow: 00:21:53

yourself in every moment, you choose yourself, and you know

Kate Harlow: 00:21:57

it's the most honorable thing for everyone, and you lovingly

Kate Harlow: 00:22:00

communicate your truth to other people without blame or attack

Kate Harlow: 00:22:05

or shut down, but you you are sovereign in the middle. So this

Kate Harlow: 00:22:10

is and this is something I teach. I actually have the

Kate Harlow: 00:22:13

reclamation program. I wasn't even going to talk about it

Kate Harlow: 00:22:15

today, but my reclamation program, that's an online self

Kate Harlow: 00:22:18

study course. It's only $497

Kate Harlow: 00:22:21

and you have it for a lifetime access. And I'm actually going

Kate Harlow: 00:22:24

through with all the heroines in the reclamation community live

Kate Harlow: 00:22:29

in January, and there's women in there who've done it with me

Kate Harlow: 00:22:31

like seven times. They do it over and over and over again,

Kate Harlow: 00:22:35

because it's such a beautiful way to deepen your relationship

Kate Harlow: 00:22:38

with yourself. So if you're not inside of that community. I'll

Kate Harlow: 00:22:41

link, link it below. You should absolutely join us in the

Kate Harlow: 00:22:44

reclamation this year. It's starting in January. What a

Kate Harlow: 00:22:47

great way to kick off the new year, where you can learn how to

Kate Harlow: 00:22:49

fully take responsibility and how to operate in your

Kate Harlow: 00:22:52

relationships from your heroine. I teach how to communicate, how

Kate Harlow: 00:22:55

to how to live from this centered, rooted place within

Kate Harlow: 00:22:59

yourself. So just want to let you know that that's coming up,

Kate Harlow: 00:23:02

but your activators are a mirror. You've got to look in

Kate Harlow: 00:23:05

the mirror and see what is my part, right? So if you're if

Kate Harlow: 00:23:09

your uncle activates you so much at Christmas, what is what is my

Kate Harlow: 00:23:14

part? What am I not saying or doing? How am I not honoring

Kate Harlow: 00:23:18

myself? How am I not using my voice? What is this person? What

Kate Harlow: 00:23:21

is reflected here that I am repressed from or shut down

Kate Harlow: 00:23:25

from, because every person who activates you is is reflecting

Kate Harlow: 00:23:29

something. It's either a part of you, it like, sometimes it's a

Kate Harlow: 00:23:34

direct reflection, like it's a blind spot where your saboteur

Kate Harlow: 00:23:38

has a similar pattern, but you can't see it, and so that person

Kate Harlow: 00:23:42

is triggering for you. It's like when your mom triggers you, but

Kate Harlow: 00:23:45

actually she triggers you because you're kind of like her

Kate Harlow: 00:23:48

in certain ways, but you didn't realize it. It's like that, or

Kate Harlow: 00:23:52

it's triggering something that shut down from you. Now it might

Kate Harlow: 00:23:56

I've said this before, but the triggers aren't necessarily

Kate Harlow: 00:23:59

apples to apples, right? So let's say your boss is a total

Kate Harlow: 00:24:03

bitch, and she's like, bossing everyone around. And I'll, I'll

Kate Harlow: 00:24:06

soften the word bitch and say the controller, if we're looking

Kate Harlow: 00:24:09

at it through the lens of saboteur archetypes, if she's

Kate Harlow: 00:24:11

telling everyone what to do, and she's condescending and she's

Kate Harlow: 00:24:14

talking down to people, and she's bossing people around, and

Kate Harlow: 00:24:17

you are someone who doesn't use your voice. You are someone who

Kate Harlow: 00:24:21

who is submissive and passive, and you don't stand with and for

Kate Harlow: 00:24:26

yourself, and you're not rooted in the sovereign queen that you

Kate Harlow: 00:24:29

are. You feel like you're not worthy and you're not good

Kate Harlow: 00:24:31

enough, and you're small. Someone like that will trigger

Kate Harlow: 00:24:35

you. Why not? Because you're meant to be bossy and bitchy and

Kate Harlow: 00:24:39

controlling of other people, but because she's representing a

Kate Harlow: 00:24:43

shadow aspect of something that's shut down from you, which

Kate Harlow: 00:24:46

is the Queen, which is the woman who speaks her truth, who stands

Kate Harlow: 00:24:49

with and for herself, who who speaks her needs, who speaks her

Kate Harlow: 00:24:53

her her sovereign truth. Okay? So again, not apples to apples,

Kate Harlow: 00:24:58

not like you want to become. Um Miranda Priestly from Devil

Kate Harlow: 00:25:01

Wears Prada, but Miranda Priestly is reflecting something

Kate Harlow: 00:25:06

that you're shut down from, that's a great archetype of the

Kate Harlow: 00:25:10

the woman who's power over control. So we're used to seeing

Kate Harlow: 00:25:13

power over and power under, which is just two aspects of the

Kate Harlow: 00:25:17

saboteur, the self sacrificer and shape shifter, with the

Kate Harlow: 00:25:20

controller, so your activators or your triggers are a mirror,

Kate Harlow: 00:25:25

and this is an opportunity for you to actually grow more into

Kate Harlow: 00:25:30

who you really are and heal that Wounded Little Girl by not

Kate Harlow: 00:25:34

letting her lead anymore and seeing like, oh my gosh, this

Kate Harlow: 00:25:37

person's mirroring. My queen is shut down. I need to awaken my

Kate Harlow: 00:25:40

queen. I need to learn how to communicate and use my voice. I

Kate Harlow: 00:25:44

need to prioritize standing with and for myself. This actually is

Kate Harlow: 00:25:48

a gateway into more of who I am. This trigger, it is not it's not

Kate Harlow: 00:25:53

about the other person. I love. To look at the people in our

Kate Harlow: 00:25:57

lives as hired actors. If your life is a movie, and everyone in

Kate Harlow: 00:26:02

your life is a hired actor that you that your soul hired to help

Kate Harlow: 00:26:07

your human evolve, right? Because that's why we're here on

Kate Harlow: 00:26:12

planet Earth. Your soul is here to evolve and live the most

Kate Harlow: 00:26:16

expanded Express life as who you really are, especially if you're

Kate Harlow: 00:26:19

listening to the new truth podcast, especially if you're on

Kate Harlow: 00:26:22

the heroin journey or becoming an unscripted woman. Oof,

Kate Harlow: 00:26:26

actually, I have a course called becoming the unscripted woman.

Kate Harlow: 00:26:28

That's the evolved version of my expanded love masterclass that's

Kate Harlow: 00:26:32

happening in January too. So I'll share that with you at the

Kate Harlow: 00:26:35

end of this episode. But that's a five week, once a week a

Kate Harlow: 00:26:39

light, but, like, really life changing opportunity as well. So

Kate Harlow: 00:26:43

you could do that as well. Yeah, I'll tell you more about it. But

Kate Harlow: 00:26:47

basically, this is an opportunity to grow more into

Kate Harlow: 00:26:51

who you are, and you hire these actors to activate you, my

Kate Harlow: 00:26:56

loves, your saboteur mind the fantasy addict will want, will

Kate Harlow: 00:27:01

want you to have this life of pleasant fill, of no triggers,

Kate Harlow: 00:27:05

of no bad things happening, and life is just happily ever after,

Kate Harlow: 00:27:09

like we were told it was going to be when we were little,

Kate Harlow: 00:27:11

right? That's what your fantasy addict aspect of your saboteur

Kate Harlow: 00:27:15

wants. But the reality is, you grow through challenge. You grow

Kate Harlow: 00:27:21

through that. Like, think about every movie, like all the Marvel

Kate Harlow: 00:27:25

movies. It's like the antagonist the bad guy is what calls the

Kate Harlow: 00:27:28

superhero to rise, right? So if you didn't have antagonist in

Kate Harlow: 00:27:34

your story, you wouldn't rise. I look back at my old mentor, and

Kate Harlow: 00:27:38

at the time of working with her, when I first started working

Kate Harlow: 00:27:40

with her. I worked with this woman for nine years. When I

Kate Harlow: 00:27:43

first started working with her, I was just obsessed with her. I

Kate Harlow: 00:27:46

had her on a pedestal because she was representing where I was

Kate Harlow: 00:27:50

headed. She was a phenomenal speaker, a phenomenal teacher,

Kate Harlow: 00:27:53

phenomenal coach. She was so mesmerizing. I was absolutely

Kate Harlow: 00:27:57

captivated by her. And then she started mentoring me to awaken

Kate Harlow: 00:28:01

my these repressed aspects of me, and as we started deepening

Kate Harlow: 00:28:06

our relationship over the years, once I started to find my feet

Kate Harlow: 00:28:11

and find my power, it wasn't true power, I started slipping

Kate Harlow: 00:28:14

into power over because she started becoming incredibly

Kate Harlow: 00:28:18

triggering to Me and I had all these stories I remember at the

Kate Harlow: 00:28:23

time and like, Oh, she's wrong and bad. And had all these

Kate Harlow: 00:28:27

stories and and it's so funny, because I

Unknown: 00:28:29

look back now and I'm like, Thank God, I hired that

Kate Harlow: 00:28:36

woman in my story who literally changed, like she

Kate Harlow: 00:28:40

helped me, she was that every time she inspired me, she

Kate Harlow: 00:28:44

activated something in me. Every time she triggered me, she

Kate Harlow: 00:28:47

activated something in me. Every facet of our relationship was

Kate Harlow: 00:28:51

part of my initiation into growing into the sovereign

Kate Harlow: 00:28:55

heroine of my life, every single aspect, every single thing we

Kate Harlow: 00:29:00

went through every high and low, every ebb and flow. It was all

Kate Harlow: 00:29:04

part of the initiation of me becoming the heroine of my

Kate Harlow: 00:29:07

story. So then I could go start my own work in the world and be

Kate Harlow: 00:29:11

here with you. Now, did I believe I was starting my own

Kate Harlow: 00:29:14

work in the world at the time? No, I didn't know. Right? We

Kate Harlow: 00:29:17

don't know when we're in the story, when you're in the pain,

Kate Harlow: 00:29:20

you don't know why you're going through this big activation. You

Kate Harlow: 00:29:23

don't know why this massive heartbreak is actually your

Kate Harlow: 00:29:26

initiation into your life's purpose, or whatever the thing

Kate Harlow: 00:29:29

might be, whoever's triggering you, whoever you're feeling

Kate Harlow: 00:29:33

activated by that's part of your initiation, and life is

Kate Harlow: 00:29:37

constantly inviting and initiating you into becoming

Kate Harlow: 00:29:42

more right? But if you just live in blame, if you just live in

Kate Harlow: 00:29:45

victim mentality, you will miss the boat. You will miss the

Kate Harlow: 00:29:50

evolution of your beautiful, magical soul. So this is a call

Kate Harlow: 00:29:55

to rise. This is a call these characters you hired to help

Kate Harlow: 00:29:59

you. Row, and you will see that someone like I think of myself

Kate Harlow: 00:30:04

in my journey. I used to be so intimidated by powerful women

Kate Harlow: 00:30:09

who were leading and, you know, commanding a room and inspiring

Kate Harlow: 00:30:15

people that used to intimidate the fuck out of me, like my old

Kate Harlow: 00:30:18

mentor. And now I, I'm, I am that, and when I'm around

Kate Harlow: 00:30:22

someone like that, I just feel inspired, excited. I want to

Kate Harlow: 00:30:26

collaborate. There's an expansiveness, even if they're

Kate Harlow: 00:30:29

way ahead of me in terms of their ability to impact and

Kate Harlow: 00:30:33

reach people in the world. I don't pedestal them. I used to,

Kate Harlow: 00:30:37

right? I don't pedestal them. I don't feel like they're better

Kate Harlow: 00:30:39

than me, or they have something I don't have. I feel met because

Kate Harlow: 00:30:43

I've activated those qualities inside of me. And if I feel

Kate Harlow: 00:30:47

triggered at some point, which maybe after saying this out

Kate Harlow: 00:30:49

loud, a new one's going to come my way, and I'll have some sort

Kate Harlow: 00:30:52

of activation. But I know it's a mirror. I know it's a reflection

Kate Harlow: 00:30:56

of where I'm headed, of where I'm going. So these activations

Kate Harlow: 00:31:02

are an opportunity for you to grow more into who you are, not

Kate Harlow: 00:31:05

to become smaller. So the first step is look in the mirror,

Kate Harlow: 00:31:09

spend some time either writing or meditating or even just

Kate Harlow: 00:31:12

sitting in front of the mirror, whatever you're feeling about

Kate Harlow: 00:31:15

these people or this person who triggers you say it to yourself

Kate Harlow: 00:31:20

in the mirror. Okay, that's like the most confronting, but life

Kate Harlow: 00:31:24

changing exercise. Sit really close, make sure the mirror has

Kate Harlow: 00:31:29

good lighting, so your sabotage not being mean to what about so

Kate Harlow: 00:31:32

your Saboteurs become obsessed with what you look like, but

Kate Harlow: 00:31:35

you're actually just looking in the mirror, looking deep into

Kate Harlow: 00:31:38

your eyes and saying those things to yourselves. We're so

Kate Harlow: 00:31:41

used to looking in the mirror and just and judging ourselves,

Kate Harlow: 00:31:43

so I say choose a mirror with good lighting, because then it's

Kate Harlow: 00:31:47

going to reflect the brightness of your eyes, the brightness of

Kate Harlow: 00:31:50

your skin, the brightness of your soul, rather than it

Kate Harlow: 00:31:53

reflecting, you know, whatever your saboteur wants to critique

Kate Harlow: 00:31:57

and judge based on our social based on our conditioning, the

Kate Harlow: 00:32:00

beauty industry and all that crap. Anyways, that's a

Kate Harlow: 00:32:02

different episode. So sit in front of the mirror, look deeply

Kate Harlow: 00:32:06

into your eyes and as if you're looking at that person and you

Kate Harlow: 00:32:10

say, what triggers you? Damn you. You make me feel so small.

Kate Harlow: 00:32:15

You are such an asshole. You your way of being makes me feel

Kate Harlow: 00:32:19

like I don't matter. I'm not important, you'll soon see it's

Kate Harlow: 00:32:23

not them that makes you feel like you don't matter and you're

Kate Harlow: 00:32:25

not important. They're just being who they are, and even if

Kate Harlow: 00:32:27

they seem like an asshole, let me tell you, there's a lot of

Kate Harlow: 00:32:31

pain inside of that person. Every asshole you meet is trying

Kate Harlow: 00:32:35

to protect their hearts. That's why they're an asshole. That's

Kate Harlow: 00:32:38

just the version of the saboteur strategy that their saboteur

Kate Harlow: 00:32:41

developed when they were a kid to survive whatever they went

Kate Harlow: 00:32:44

through in their childhood, just like you went through a lot of

Kate Harlow: 00:32:46

stuff, right? So that person actually has a heart. I cracked

Kate Harlow: 00:32:50

down. I I've told you this before, but like one of my

Kate Harlow: 00:32:53

favorite things in the world to do is to crack people open, who

Kate Harlow: 00:32:56

seem closed, who seem sharp, who seem hard, right? There is,

Kate Harlow: 00:33:00

there is a love inside of that person. There is a heart inside

Kate Harlow: 00:33:03

of that person. So can you look at yourself in the mirror and

Kate Harlow: 00:33:07

say all the things? Because the reality is, it's not them that's

Kate Harlow: 00:33:10

doing it to you. It's you. Whatever the trigger is,

Kate Harlow: 00:33:13

whatever the meaning you're making of their behavior is

Kate Harlow: 00:33:16

about how you're internalizing it and how you're using it to

Kate Harlow: 00:33:20

keep yourself small, how you're using it to hurt yourself the

Kate Harlow: 00:33:23

mirror. Practice with activations. Is life changing?

Kate Harlow: 00:33:28

After you've done this process in the mirror, let any feelings

Kate Harlow: 00:33:31

arise, arise. Don't be afraid of tears. If tears come, as you're

Kate Harlow: 00:33:35

saying it, just let them flow. Your tears are cleaning all like

Kate Harlow: 00:33:39

crap and gunk that's blocking your heart. The more that you

Kate Harlow: 00:33:42

cry, the more that you clean your heart, especially if you

Kate Harlow: 00:33:46

cry with your eyes open looking in the mirror. I mean, that's

Kate Harlow: 00:33:48

one of the most healing things you can do, looking at somebody

Kate Harlow: 00:33:51

else and crying with your eyes open or looking in the mirror,

Kate Harlow: 00:33:54

because you're actually witnessing yourself, and so

Kate Harlow: 00:33:57

you're healing that deeper part of yourself, rather than crying

Kate Harlow: 00:34:00

with your eyes closed, and reinforcing the story in your

Kate Harlow: 00:34:02

mind, which often keeps us stuck. So it's deeply healing.

Kate Harlow: 00:34:06

So let the river run, if they if tears come, let yourself feel.

Kate Harlow: 00:34:10

And then after you've done this process, close your eyes and

Kate Harlow: 00:34:14

feel your heart and feel what you feel inside. Now, pour love

Kate Harlow: 00:34:19

into yourself after, and then maybe get out your journal and

Kate Harlow: 00:34:22

do some reflecting on what you noticed and what you realized.

Kate Harlow: 00:34:25

Even just this exercise will be so transformative, but you if

Kate Harlow: 00:34:29

the feelings are still lingering, you can also put on

Kate Harlow: 00:34:32

music, move your body, start to move the energy of the feeling,

Kate Harlow: 00:34:35

so that you can unlock what is stuck, all the energy that

Kate Harlow: 00:34:42

stuck, and then you come to your sovereignty. You come back to

Kate Harlow: 00:34:46

your sovereignty right. And now you can see this situation

Kate Harlow: 00:34:50

through clear eyes. And so step two is to see the whole

Kate Harlow: 00:34:54

situation from a different perspective, and to maybe even

Kate Harlow: 00:34:57

write out like thank you for. For reminding me of my power.

Kate Harlow: 00:35:02

Thank you for reminding me to use my voice. Thank you for

Kate Harlow: 00:35:05

reminding me of the power of vulnerability, or whatever the

Kate Harlow: 00:35:08

reflection has been. Thank you for being so let's say it's an

Kate Harlow: 00:35:12

ex who broke your heart, quote, unquote, you broke your own

Kate Harlow: 00:35:16

heart. And also, the heart can't be broken. It's just the that's

Kate Harlow: 00:35:18

all the mind. It's like, it's a story. The heart can't be

Kate Harlow: 00:35:21

broken. Your heart is the strongest part of you, and it

Kate Harlow: 00:35:24

doesn't need any protection ever so come back to your heart and

Kate Harlow: 00:35:29

see this situation through the lens of the heart. Thank you to

Kate Harlow: 00:35:33

my ex, who had an affair, who left me, who left my life, who

Kate Harlow: 00:35:39

thank you for liberating me, because now I'm free to be me.

Kate Harlow: 00:35:43

Thank you for being the catalyst for me learning how to love

Kate Harlow: 00:35:46

myself deeper. Because when I chose you, I didn't love myself.

Kate Harlow: 00:35:49

When I chose you, I chose you from insecurity and from

Kate Harlow: 00:35:52

contraction, not from love. Maybe I thought it was love, or

Kate Harlow: 00:35:56

maybe it was like a version of love, but it was a small

Kate Harlow: 00:35:58

version, not an expanded version. So thank you for being

Kate Harlow: 00:36:01

the catalyst to expand me. Thank you for showing me and giving me

Kate Harlow: 00:36:05

the opportunity to actually look at my relationship with myself

Kate Harlow: 00:36:08

and to change things. So that's number two, is to look through

Kate Harlow: 00:36:11

the lens of the heart after you've done the mirror, after

Kate Harlow: 00:36:15

you've seen it differently. Now you look through the lens of the

Kate Harlow: 00:36:18

heart and you make a statement, a thank you statement as to what

Kate Harlow: 00:36:22

this is activating for you and what, what is the opportunity

Kate Harlow: 00:36:26

here for you, and the third thing is to bring that new

Kate Harlow: 00:36:33

energy into your Christmas dinner or into the next

Kate Harlow: 00:36:38

conversation with them, where you bring the energy of your

Kate Harlow: 00:36:42

wholeness, right? Because in any given moment, you have your

Kate Harlow: 00:36:46

wounded self, which most people are just operating from, that

Kate Harlow: 00:36:50

part of themselves, the Wounded Little Girl and The saboteur

Kate Harlow: 00:36:54

constantly looking for, who do I need to protect myself from? Who

Kate Harlow: 00:36:57

do I need to blame? Who do I need to hide? Who do I need to

Kate Harlow: 00:36:59

shut down around? Who do I need to control? Who do I need to be

Kate Harlow: 00:37:02

perfect around your Saboteurs constantly looking for ways to

Kate Harlow: 00:37:05

adapt to feel safe, right? Because underneath is a wounded

Kate Harlow: 00:37:08

little girl who did that when she was little because she had

Kate Harlow: 00:37:11

to right. But inside of you is a sovereign heroine. Inside of you

Kate Harlow: 00:37:17

is a sovereign woman who knows her worth, who is rooted in her

Kate Harlow: 00:37:22

worth? Who is rooted in the present moment? Who, who sees

Kate Harlow: 00:37:25

the world through the lens of the heart, which is not

Kate Harlow: 00:37:28

guarding, which is not protection, which is sovereign?

Kate Harlow: 00:37:31

I am sovereign in my own being, and I when I have pain, you're

Kate Harlow: 00:37:36

not responsible for my pain. This is the most liberating

Kate Harlow: 00:37:39

statement ever. Nobody is responsible for your pain. All

Kate Harlow: 00:37:43

it is when you are activated or triggered. All that is is there

Kate Harlow: 00:37:48

was a, we'll just say, a gunshot wound that was already there,

Kate Harlow: 00:37:52

and somebody else stuck their finger in your wound at they

Kate Harlow: 00:37:57

didn't shoot the gun, they just stuck their finger in your

Kate Harlow: 00:38:01

wound, but your saboteur mind believes that they shot the gun,

Kate Harlow: 00:38:06

and your saboteur mind is looking for all your friends to

Kate Harlow: 00:38:09

agree with you that they shot the gun, that they're the ones

Kate Harlow: 00:38:12

who are responsible for it, but they're not my loves, no matter

Kate Harlow: 00:38:16

how wrong that person seems, the wound was already there, and you

Kate Harlow: 00:38:20

attracted this person to help you heal it, if you are awake

Kate Harlow: 00:38:26

enough to own your side of the street, to feel your feelings,

Kate Harlow: 00:38:31

to see how your pattern contributes to this dynamic that

Kate Harlow: 00:38:37

is everything, owning your side of The street is the most

Kate Harlow: 00:38:41

important thing you can do in your life, in all of your

Kate Harlow: 00:38:44

relationships. I was talking to my bestie last night, and I was

Kate Harlow: 00:38:47

saying how it's so wild to be at a place in my life where I don't

Kate Harlow: 00:38:51

blame people anymore. Like I might blame someone for a

Kate Harlow: 00:38:54

second, but I don't stay in blame. I have zero stories where

Kate Harlow: 00:38:58

I'm like, That person hurt me, and they're banned forever, like

Kate Harlow: 00:39:03

I move through and own my side of the street and or or do the

Kate Harlow: 00:39:07

deeper healing that my heart and soul need, that I don't stay in

Kate Harlow: 00:39:11

blame. Because when you actually look in the mirror and you go

Kate Harlow: 00:39:15

through the process of owning your story and taking

Kate Harlow: 00:39:20

responsibility for your part, you can't stay in blame, which

Kate Harlow: 00:39:24

is the most liberating thing, because holding on to blame,

Kate Harlow: 00:39:27

it's that statement is like drinking poison and expecting

Kate Harlow: 00:39:30

the other person to die. You think you're hurting them, but

Kate Harlow: 00:39:33

my love, you're hurting you. If you blame your ex for the next

Kate Harlow: 00:39:37

10 years that they hurt you, you're not hurting your you're

Kate Harlow: 00:39:41

not hurting them. You're hurting you in the disguise that you're

Kate Harlow: 00:39:45

hurting them right, because they hurt you. And you just hold on

Kate Harlow: 00:39:48

to this. If I let go of this, then I'm saying it's okay what

Kate Harlow: 00:39:52

they did. That's not what we're saying. It's accepting what

Kate Harlow: 00:39:55

happened and looking at as an opportunity to grow in. To who

Kate Harlow: 00:40:00

you're meant to be. If we look at everything from like souls

Kate Harlow: 00:40:04

curriculum perspective, our souls come to this planet, and

Kate Harlow: 00:40:07

we're here to work through a whole bunch of curriculum, not

Kate Harlow: 00:40:09

the easiest curriculum, right? It's like high school or

Kate Harlow: 00:40:13

university. Like the curriculum is not always easy, but you are

Kate Harlow: 00:40:16

going to grow and evolve so much when you're willing to face the

Kate Harlow: 00:40:19

curriculum, and when you're willing to look at your part and

Kate Harlow: 00:40:22

own your own story and become the writer of your own story,

Kate Harlow: 00:40:26

right? If you just stay trapped thinking everybody else is wrong

Kate Harlow: 00:40:30

and bad, you are trapping yourself that is such a limited

Kate Harlow: 00:40:33

life and a painful life at that like otherwise, it gets to be

Kate Harlow: 00:40:37

like a cool video game where you kept, get to keep evolving to

Kate Harlow: 00:40:41

the next level and the next level and the next level and the

Kate Harlow: 00:40:44

next level. I had a situation this week where I had, I'll tell

Kate Harlow: 00:40:48

you what my activation was. I wasn't going to share it, but

Kate Harlow: 00:40:51

this is just coming through that I should share it with you. So I

Kate Harlow: 00:40:54

had an online, not my first rodeo, but an online bullying

Kate Harlow: 00:40:58

situation. Or, I don't know that sounds dramatic. I had an online

Kate Harlow: 00:41:03

unfriendly situation encounter where somebody shared my post I

Kate Harlow: 00:41:08

did on Facebook that was like rooted in self love and becoming

Kate Harlow: 00:41:13

a mate to your own soul. And it was this post that I wrote with

Kate Harlow: 00:41:16

my heart and soul, and this woman took my post and she

Kate Harlow: 00:41:20

shared it on her Facebook page and said, I, I fuck What did she

Kate Harlow: 00:41:25

say? You were so fucking annoying, which is so funny that

Kate Harlow: 00:41:29

she used the word annoying, because when I was younger, that

Kate Harlow: 00:41:32

was my number one trigger word. People called me annoying all

Kate Harlow: 00:41:35

the time because I was so bubbly and so like, such a pleaser. Ew,

Kate Harlow: 00:41:40

I must have been so annoying to be around, and so that word used

Kate Harlow: 00:41:44

to trigger the fuck out of me. So it's actually pretty cool to

Kate Harlow: 00:41:48

witness, to hat, to watch my my response and reaction to this,

Kate Harlow: 00:41:54

this thing that happened, because it revealed actually a

Kate Harlow: 00:41:59

lot of growth, and I also just got to pour more love into the

Kate Harlow: 00:42:03

part of me that it hurt because I'm still a human with feelings,

Kate Harlow: 00:42:06

like someone just, you know, attacks me, like I'm not a

Kate Harlow: 00:42:10

victim of the attack, but I'm still, like, it's still gonna

Kate Harlow: 00:42:12

hurt, and I need to tend to my feelings. So she said, You're

Kate Harlow: 00:42:17

You're so fucking annoying, and I can't stand your fucking face.

Kate Harlow: 00:42:22

Thought you should know. And this is a woman. I'm like, I

Kate Harlow: 00:42:24

think I'm like, did I meet her one day? Or I don't know, I know

Kate Harlow: 00:42:28

the name, but I didn't know her. You know, there's 5000 people on

Kate Harlow: 00:42:31

Facebook, and I'm like, maybe I used to be a business coach, and

Kate Harlow: 00:42:34

I worked with so many people over the years. Maybe it's just

Kate Harlow: 00:42:37

someone from social media. I'm actually not sure I knew her

Kate Harlow: 00:42:40

name, but regardless, is like, I know that that situation had

Kate Harlow: 00:42:46

nothing to do with me. I'm so rooted in my projections are

Kate Harlow: 00:42:50

mine and your projections are yours. And when that came, when

Kate Harlow: 00:42:54

I read that, it hurt. It felt like a bow and arrow, like

Kate Harlow: 00:42:58

dagger going into my heart. It hurt. It ruptured something. And

Kate Harlow: 00:43:02

I cried, and I just shut my computer and I put my hands on

Kate Harlow: 00:43:06

my heart, and I let little me cry, and I just held my heart

Kate Harlow: 00:43:10

and my solar plexus. I cried and cried and cried and and I just

Kate Harlow: 00:43:15

said, and as as she started to calm down, because they knew it

Kate Harlow: 00:43:19

was a young part of me that it hurt, the words hurt, because

Kate Harlow: 00:43:21

the sovereign woman in me knows that those words had nothing

Kate Harlow: 00:43:24

about had nothing to do with me. She is activated by me because

Kate Harlow: 00:43:29

I'm a mirror of something she shut down from. And so I felt my

Kate Harlow: 00:43:34

pain, and maybe I'm annoying to her, that's fine. No big deal.

Kate Harlow: 00:43:38

But I felt that little part of me is pain, and I held her and I

Kate Harlow: 00:43:42

said, I love you, I love you, I love you, and I didn't. So

Kate Harlow: 00:43:46

sometimes what happens is, like, the i Some people might teach,

Kate Harlow: 00:43:50

like, Okay, someone attacks you, then say really nice things to

Kate Harlow: 00:43:52

yourself is like, I don't need to pump up my tires, because all

Kate Harlow: 00:43:57

that little girl really needs, I believe, is love, right? I know

Kate Harlow: 00:44:00

who I am and who I am is not. It's infinite. I'm not like, Oh,

Kate Harlow: 00:44:05

I'm an amazing person with lots of gifts, like I that's only an

Kate Harlow: 00:44:08

insecure part of me that would need to hear that, right? So it

Kate Harlow: 00:44:11

would be like feeding a bottomless pit versus sitting in

Kate Harlow: 00:44:15

the seat of the sovereign queen, the sovereign heroine, holding

Kate Harlow: 00:44:18

the heart of the little girl, telling her I love her and that

Kate Harlow: 00:44:21

she's safe. I love her, I've got her she's safe to feel, letting

Kate Harlow: 00:44:26

her feel and then coming back to my sovereignty and coming back

Kate Harlow: 00:44:31

to seeing clearly that that and yes, I, you know, blocked that

Kate Harlow: 00:44:35

woman on my social media and was like that, like, I'm not okay

Kate Harlow: 00:44:38

with that treatment. That's not okay with me, but, but I came

Kate Harlow: 00:44:43

back to my center, and guess what? I will admit to you the

Kate Harlow: 00:44:47

next day, I still felt really tender. So I called my beautiful

Kate Harlow: 00:44:51

healer. I have this amazing new healer, and this woman from

Kate Harlow: 00:44:54

Japan that lives here in Kenya in Nairobi, and she's a yoga

Kate Harlow: 00:44:58

teacher and a healer. And. I'm, actually, I'm helping her

Kate Harlow: 00:45:01

organize a retreat in Okinawa in Japan, because I'm just, I've

Kate Harlow: 00:45:04

been dying to go there, and she's so magical. And so I

Kate Harlow: 00:45:07

texted her and was like, Hey, I'm having a tender heart this

Kate Harlow: 00:45:11

week. I would love to have a session, and I had a healing

Kate Harlow: 00:45:13

with her. So I, you know, of course, I gave myself what I

Kate Harlow: 00:45:17

needed to clear the energy, because it stuck, but it didn't

Kate Harlow: 00:45:21

stick to my mind. I wasn't feeding stories. It stuck to my

Kate Harlow: 00:45:25

heart. There was something that stuck, but again, the heart

Kate Harlow: 00:45:27

doesn't need protection, it just needs love. So I gave it love, I

Kate Harlow: 00:45:30

gave it love, I gave it love. And and everything shifted.

Kate Harlow: 00:45:35

So it is and so what did that reflect for me? Well, it

Kate Harlow: 00:45:40

reflected so much. It reflected the part of me that's more

Kate Harlow: 00:45:44

rooted in people will be triggered by me, and that's

Kate Harlow: 00:45:47

okay. I'm taking a stand, and it goes against a lot of what a lot

Kate Harlow: 00:45:53

of people believe. So that's going to happen. I know that,

Kate Harlow: 00:45:56

and of course, it doesn't feel good or comfortable. I'm a

Kate Harlow: 00:45:58

sensitive person, and I care deeply, but old me, like if I

Kate Harlow: 00:46:01

was living from my saboteur. Still, my saboteur used to care

Kate Harlow: 00:46:04

so much what everyone thought of me and wanted to be liked by

Kate Harlow: 00:46:07

everyone, but my sovereign woman knows that I'm not going to be

Kate Harlow: 00:46:11

liked by everyone, but it's not their soul. It's their

Kate Harlow: 00:46:13

protection, right? If we were all hanging out from our souls,

Kate Harlow: 00:46:17

from our hearts, from the truth of who we are, we wouldn't need

Kate Harlow: 00:46:20

protection, and we would all be connected and aligned. That's

Kate Harlow: 00:46:24

what you see at the immersion, the immersion in Greece, at any

Kate Harlow: 00:46:27

retreats that I leave, the saboteurs are activated by each

Kate Harlow: 00:46:31

other. But when we're deep, when we get underneath the

Kate Harlow: 00:46:34

protection, and we're in our hearts and souls, we're all

Kate Harlow: 00:46:36

connected. It's only our saboteurs that are activating

Kate Harlow: 00:46:39

each other. It's only our survival patterns that are

Kate Harlow: 00:46:42

compatible, like for that that you know, selfish, selfless kind

Kate Harlow: 00:46:48

of relational dynamic, or the self sacrificer and the

Kate Harlow: 00:46:51

controller dynamic, like our saboteurs, are either compatible

Kate Harlow: 00:46:55

for a wound mate relationship, or they're activating to each

Kate Harlow: 00:46:59

other because they're reflecting something. But on a heart and

Kate Harlow: 00:47:03

soul level, we are all aligned. I truly believe that. And you

Kate Harlow: 00:47:08

know, will, will there be a time in our lifetime when we're all

Kate Harlow: 00:47:11

acting and living from our hearts and souls? No, but I

Kate Harlow: 00:47:14

believe that the more you live from yours, the more you attract

Kate Harlow: 00:47:18

people who are living from theirs, and the more you awaken

Kate Harlow: 00:47:21

people to theirs. You know, I had a I know I talk about Uber

Kate Harlow: 00:47:24

drivers every, every week on the podcast, but it's really blowing

Kate Harlow: 00:47:28

my mind, because I'm taking so many Ubers here, and I had one

Kate Harlow: 00:47:32

the other day. And this man, he was a bit older, like, probably

Kate Harlow: 00:47:35

in his late 50s, early 60s, and he was, like, kind of had

Kate Harlow: 00:47:39

attitude. I was trying to, like speak Swahili to him, and trying

Kate Harlow: 00:47:42

to, like, crack him and and, you know, at first he was resistant,

Kate Harlow: 00:47:48

resistant, resistant. And then he started opening and open like

Kate Harlow: 00:47:51

flower, like slow and I wasn't forcing it. It was just gently

Kate Harlow: 00:47:54

playing and being in the energy of the heart. By the end of our

Kate Harlow: 00:47:58

taxi ride, which wasn't that long, it was just to the gym. So

Kate Harlow: 00:48:00

it was like seven minutes by the end of our drive, he said to me,

Kate Harlow: 00:48:05

are you married? That was like, No, I'm not. And he was like,

Kate Harlow: 00:48:08

oh, I want to, I want to introduce you to my son. I think

Kate Harlow: 00:48:11

you should marry him. You're an amazing woman. And I was like,

Kate Harlow: 00:48:14

thank you so much. Have a great day. And so it's such a

Kate Harlow: 00:48:19

beautiful remembering that when you are meeting someone who

Kate Harlow: 00:48:24

seems cold or like an asshole or like they don't care, they do

Kate Harlow: 00:48:28

care, they're just guarded, which means their heart feels

Kate Harlow: 00:48:32

like it like their mind believes their heart needs protection,

Kate Harlow: 00:48:35

their mind is trying to protect the little kid inside who needed

Kate Harlow: 00:48:38

protection when they were little. There is so much more

Kate Harlow: 00:48:42

going on underneath the surface. We are constantly taking other

Kate Harlow: 00:48:46

people's behavior personally, and yet their behavior actually

Kate Harlow: 00:48:50

has nothing to do with you, even if they're mad at you in the

Kate Harlow: 00:48:52

moment, it's still so much deeper than you could ever see

Kate Harlow: 00:48:57

you're never upset for the reason you think they're never

Kate Harlow: 00:49:00

upset for the reason they think so. The more you can de armor

Kate Harlow: 00:49:05

yourself and own your side of the street and clean up your

Kate Harlow: 00:49:10

patterns and come back to the rooted, sovereign queen, heroine

Kate Harlow: 00:49:14

of your life and and live from the heart of who you are. The

Kate Harlow: 00:49:18

more you can de armor people around you, and that's how we

Kate Harlow: 00:49:21

create a new world, right? It's not going to be the whole entire

Kate Harlow: 00:49:24

world all at once, but it certainly can be the world that

Kate Harlow: 00:49:27

you live in, the world that you surround yourself in, and you

Kate Harlow: 00:49:32

can be the change in the world you wish to see, as our dear

Kate Harlow: 00:49:35

friend Gandhi said so many years ago. So that is how to navigate

Kate Harlow: 00:49:41

triggers during the holidays. And you know, the more you own

Kate Harlow: 00:49:45

your stuff, the more you can create a totally different

Kate Harlow: 00:49:47

experience for this holiday season. Let little you play. Let

Kate Harlow: 00:49:51

little you be in the magic. Go to light shows. Go to, you know,

Kate Harlow: 00:49:55

those, those gardens that have the most exquisite lights. Drink

Kate Harlow: 00:49:58

hot chocolate. Go for go for Christmas drinks, go for it.

Kate Harlow: 00:50:03

Like, do go skating, if that's an option where you live, like,

Kate Harlow: 00:50:06

do things that actually activate that innocent energy, because

Kate Harlow: 00:50:10

that's what the season is all about. When you own your

Kate Harlow: 00:50:12

triggers, you can come back to generosity, you can come back to

Kate Harlow: 00:50:15

the magic. You can come back to the love. You can come back to

Kate Harlow: 00:50:18

the connectedness. You can come back to the beauty of this

Kate Harlow: 00:50:21

season, because there's so much available here for you, and you

Kate Harlow: 00:50:24

get to become the writer and the leading lady of your own story.

Kate Harlow: 00:50:28

So if you are ready for some support in 2026 and you want

Kate Harlow: 00:50:32

your saboteur patterns to stop leading your life, and you're

Kate Harlow: 00:50:35

finding yourself continuously in the trap, join us in the

Kate Harlow: 00:50:38

reclamation. It's going to be so powerful because I wasn't going

Kate Harlow: 00:50:42

to do it live again, and this year, I am offering it live in

Kate Harlow: 00:50:46

January as a bonus. So that means we're going to be on Zoom

Kate Harlow: 00:50:49

twice a month, where you get me live. I'm going to do hot seats.

Kate Harlow: 00:50:53

We're going to do breakout rooms. You're going to meet

Kate Harlow: 00:50:55

other heroines. You're going to grow your community of women who

Kate Harlow: 00:50:58

are taking responsibility for their path and their life. The

Kate Harlow: 00:51:02

reclamation is 497, and I'll link it below, so that's it for

Kate Harlow: 00:51:08

today. If you know a woman who's stuck in her blame and victim

Kate Harlow: 00:51:11

mentality and triggers and all that stuff, and she hates

Kate Harlow: 00:51:14

Christmas and she needs some magic and empowerment and

Kate Harlow: 00:51:17

guidance, spread the word. Share this episode with every woman

Kate Harlow: 00:51:20

you know who needs to hear this message as always. Also, can you

Kate Harlow: 00:51:23

go on whatever platform you listen to the podcast and do a

Kate Harlow: 00:51:27

five star review for me and a little write up about what the

Kate Harlow: 00:51:30

podcast means to you that would be the best Christmas present

Kate Harlow: 00:51:33

for me ever. It really helps the podcast to have reviews, to have

Kate Harlow: 00:51:38

raving reviews, of course, about the impact of this podcast in

Kate Harlow: 00:51:42

this community for you, and that's all I got for now. Love

Kate Harlow: 00:51:47

you, and I'll see you next week.