When You Have a Really Great Life, But You’re Still Not Happy

Kate Harlow: 00:00:00

Yeah, there's so much ahead of you, and that's

Kate Harlow: 00:00:02

that's actually what makes the heart excited and joyful and

Kate Harlow: 00:00:05

happy like true joy comes from the surprise of life. It comes

Kate Harlow: 00:00:11

from the unknown, right? It doesn't come from the

Kate Harlow: 00:00:15

predetermined path that you've controlled and contrived to have

Kate Harlow: 00:00:20

some sense of safety. It comes from the unexpected, right and

Kate Harlow: 00:00:26

yet most so if you're really attached to the script, probably

Kate Harlow: 00:00:28

you have some controller archetype playing out in the

Kate Harlow: 00:00:31

saboteurs. And most controller women are terrified of the

Kate Harlow: 00:00:35

unknown, so they do everything in their power to make things

Kate Harlow: 00:00:39

planned, overly planned, predictable, so they know that

Kate Harlow: 00:00:42

they're going to be safe and everything's organized and

Kate Harlow: 00:00:45

everything's going to be good, and it's like that is the very

Kate Harlow: 00:00:48

thing that is robbing you from experiencing the magic. Hello,

Kate Harlow: 00:00:54

my loves. Kate Harlow here, welcome back to the new truth

Kate Harlow: 00:00:57

Podcast. Today we're going to delve into that topic of what to

Kate Harlow: 00:01:01

do when you've got everything you've ever wanted, you have the

Kate Harlow: 00:01:05

greatest life, or maybe that you thought you wanted, and you're

Kate Harlow: 00:01:10

still not happy. I think this is a very common feeling that women

Kate Harlow: 00:01:15

experience inside of the Western world and the patriarchy, this

Kate Harlow: 00:01:21

feeling of nothing. I talked a little bit about this in last

Kate Harlow: 00:01:24

week's fantasy episode, about how there's this kind of

Kate Harlow: 00:01:28

insatiable feeling like nothing's ever quite enough. And

Kate Harlow: 00:01:31

there's always this chase for something more, something more,

Kate Harlow: 00:01:34

something more. And you know, the first thing I think of when

Kate Harlow: 00:01:40

I think of this problem, is something I hear from women all

Kate Harlow: 00:01:42

the time, especially women that start to work with me, it's

Kate Harlow: 00:01:44

like, okay, obviously there's something I'm missing. I have

Kate Harlow: 00:01:48

everything I ever wanted, and I don't feel connected to any of

Kate Harlow: 00:01:51

it. And I use this example a lot, but I always think of the

Kate Harlow: 00:01:54

Elizabeth Gilbert scene because it was so relatable. The scene

Kate Harlow: 00:01:58

in Eat, Pray, Love, where she's laying in her bed, and she's her

Kate Harlow: 00:02:01

laying next to her husband, feeling so disconnected, so

Kate Harlow: 00:02:05

lonely, just aching for more. And her husband says, I don't

Kate Harlow: 00:02:10

want to go to Aruba. And she says, I don't want to be

Kate Harlow: 00:02:12

married. And then she essentially just makes a massive

Kate Harlow: 00:02:16

exit and shifts her life in a really big way, and goes on this

Kate Harlow: 00:02:20

journey. Eat, Pray, Love to Italy, Indonesia. And, oh,

Kate Harlow: 00:02:25

Italy, India, Indonesia, on her Eat, Pray, Love journey. And,

Kate Harlow: 00:02:29

you know, I think that the reason this story is so

Kate Harlow: 00:02:33

relatable is because it's it's going to impact every single

Kate Harlow: 00:02:37

woman who made decisions in her life based on following what she

Kate Harlow: 00:02:41

thought she should do or what everyone else was doing, or

Kate Harlow: 00:02:44

following the the scripted condition life. And it's not to

Kate Harlow: 00:02:48

say you made the wrong choices right. It's not to say that

Kate Harlow: 00:02:51

you're with the wrong person, or that you don't want to be a

Kate Harlow: 00:02:54

parent, or that you don't want to like have the life that you

Kate Harlow: 00:02:58

have, or maybe be in the job that you're in. It doesn't mean

Kate Harlow: 00:03:00

that the choices necessarily are wrong. But if the part of you

Kate Harlow: 00:03:05

that made those decisions was the part that just thought, Oh,

Kate Harlow: 00:03:09

this is just what we do, right? How many, how many of us make

Kate Harlow: 00:03:13

our life choices from that place, it's just like, Okay,

Kate Harlow: 00:03:16

where is my partner? They should show up now, because, you know,

Kate Harlow: 00:03:19

that's the timeline. That's, it's it's time. This is the

Kate Harlow: 00:03:23

schedule got to follow, the schedule that I was taught that

Kate Harlow: 00:03:25

I needed to follow. Where is he okay? Now I got him. Now we got

Kate Harlow: 00:03:29

to plan this next thing. And we're just taught to plan our

Kate Harlow: 00:03:32

futures. And I think about how obsessive, even our parents

Kate Harlow: 00:03:36

generation, like, how good they were at planning, maybe not all

Kate Harlow: 00:03:39

of them came my parents were their friends, like, I'm good at

Kate Harlow: 00:03:42

planning, their retirement planning, vacations planning,

Kate Harlow: 00:03:46

you know, future things. And they spend so much time

Kate Harlow: 00:03:49

planning, I think because that generation is a product of post

Kate Harlow: 00:03:55

war, their parents were in war, and they were a product of the

Kate Harlow: 00:03:59

Depression and the Holocaust and all of these crazy things that

Kate Harlow: 00:04:04

happened so so many of them, like, all that mattered in that

Kate Harlow: 00:04:09

generation was stability, right? All that mattered in that

Kate Harlow: 00:04:13

generation was safety. Was perceived. Safety was was just

Kate Harlow: 00:04:16

hunkering down, buying a house, investing and, you know, sitting

Kate Harlow: 00:04:21

still, sitting pretty for the rest of your life and just

Kate Harlow: 00:04:24

working really hard to make ends meet to get by. And obviously,

Kate Harlow: 00:04:28

that's not everyone's story. But, you know, I think the baby

Kate Harlow: 00:04:32

boomer generation and beyond that was the mentality, because

Kate Harlow: 00:04:36

it was a very different world back then, and yet we have the

Kate Harlow: 00:04:41

same mentality, even though the world has infinite opportunity.

Kate Harlow: 00:04:45

Now there's, I mean, people are afraid of losing their jobs, but

Kate Harlow: 00:04:48

you can also create your job. Like I said, I created my job,

Kate Harlow: 00:04:52

you can create, if you're actually connected to your

Kate Harlow: 00:04:56

divinity, you can co create your purpose with universe. Which is

Kate Harlow: 00:05:00

like, what your soul is here to do, but we're still following

Kate Harlow: 00:05:04

the same old script of like, I need a good job. I need a good

Kate Harlow: 00:05:07

husband. I need a good house. I need, you know, I need all of

Kate Harlow: 00:05:10

these things externally so so many women spent so much time

Kate Harlow: 00:05:15

focusing on the external world, building all of these things,

Kate Harlow: 00:05:20

checking the boxes and making sure that their future was

Kate Harlow: 00:05:23

secured. Meanwhile, they don't even know their future self yet.

Kate Harlow: 00:05:27

So we're securing our lives for our future, but we don't even

Kate Harlow: 00:05:31

know who we're going to be in the future and if that life is

Kate Harlow: 00:05:35

going to align with who we become. So here's the

Kate Harlow: 00:05:39

predicament. I have everything I ever wanted, and I'm still not

Kate Harlow: 00:05:44

happy. I have a really great, amazing life, and I still can't

Kate Harlow: 00:05:49

feel any of it. I don't get to really enjoy any of it. So I

Kate Harlow: 00:05:55

came across this poet today, and I went down the rabbit hole of

Kate Harlow: 00:05:59

looking into him. David Jay white, you might know of him.

Kate Harlow: 00:06:02

He's been in the game a really long time. He's, I think, 69

Kate Harlow: 00:06:07

he's a British, British, Irish. And I watched this. Actually,

Kate Harlow: 00:06:11

someone sent me a reel, and I watched this reel. How do you

Kate Harlow: 00:06:14

know that you're on your path? He says, Well, it disappears.

Kate Harlow: 00:06:18

That's how you know you're on your true path. The future

Kate Harlow: 00:06:20

disappears. You don't know what the future is. You're literally

Kate Harlow: 00:06:23

walking blindly into the unknown. That's how you know

Kate Harlow: 00:06:26

you're following your heart, is that you cannot see that path

Kate Harlow: 00:06:29

before you, right? But we've been so conditioned to believe

Kate Harlow: 00:06:33

that we have to see the path before us or else, we're gonna,

Kate Harlow: 00:06:37

we're gonna, we're gonna suffer. It's gonna be horrible. It's

Kate Harlow: 00:06:40

going to be every worst case scenario your mind can conjure

Kate Harlow: 00:06:44

if you don't have the path perfectly carved out before you.

Kate Harlow: 00:06:46

So we spent so many years carving out the path and

Kate Harlow: 00:06:50

creating this predictable future, but in a predictable

Kate Harlow: 00:06:54

future, lives misery and suffering and numbness and

Kate Harlow: 00:06:58

anxiety. Why? Because life is alive. I said this in the last

Kate Harlow: 00:07:03

message, your life is alive. It's a living, breathing thing,

Kate Harlow: 00:07:06

right? It's always changing with every season, with every

Kate Harlow: 00:07:09

opportunity, with every challenge. You're always growing

Kate Harlow: 00:07:11

and changing, especially if you're following this podcast in

Kate Harlow: 00:07:15

one similar and you're here to actively evolve as a soul.

Kate Harlow: 00:07:19

You're always changing. So why would we want to predetermine

Kate Harlow: 00:07:22

where we're going if we're always becoming new? Right?

Kate Harlow: 00:07:27

Because we've been indoctrinated to be afraid of the unknown, to

Kate Harlow: 00:07:32

fear it. So we gotta plan everything to make sure we're

Kate Harlow: 00:07:35

safe in the future. Meanwhile, nobody gets to actually really

Kate Harlow: 00:07:39

experience life, right? You might it might look really good

Kate Harlow: 00:07:44

on the outside, but you're missing the actual adventure of

Kate Harlow: 00:07:47

the experience. Another thing he said, David, David is that his

Kate Harlow: 00:07:52

name? David White? Yeah. David J White

Kate Harlow: 00:07:57

is set off on the adventure. Everything is waiting for you.

Kate Harlow: 00:08:03

Everything is waiting for you. Like, gosh, I felt that so

Kate Harlow: 00:08:06

deeply. Has a poem called Everything is waiting for you,

Kate Harlow: 00:08:10

and it I think every episode of the new truth is alluding to

Kate Harlow: 00:08:15

this, but it's like this unscripted path that is

Kate Harlow: 00:08:19

following the pulse of your own heart, right, following and

Kate Harlow: 00:08:24

trusting in the beauty of your own heart, trusting in the in

Kate Harlow: 00:08:28

the reactions of your own heart. Your Own Heart will will react

Kate Harlow: 00:08:33

and respond to places, people, experiences, situations, and

Kate Harlow: 00:08:38

when you have the courage to listen to it and to not believe

Kate Harlow: 00:08:41

the fear based stories your mind will conjure, because your mind

Kate Harlow: 00:08:44

will come up with all the self doubt in the world to stop you

Kate Harlow: 00:08:47

from following your heart because she believes that's not

Kate Harlow: 00:08:50

safe. But when you have the courage to follow your own

Kate Harlow: 00:08:54

heart, you get to experience life. You really get to

Kate Harlow: 00:08:57

experience life. So if you are the woman who has a great on

Kate Harlow: 00:09:02

paper life, and you do not feel happy. It's because you've built

Kate Harlow: 00:09:07

up the outside of your life, which looks great. It's getting

Kate Harlow: 00:09:10

great approval, great reviews. You know, you're getting five

Kate Harlow: 00:09:14

star reviews from all around you. People think you're so

Kate Harlow: 00:09:16

happy. How many of you have had that experience where someone

Kate Harlow: 00:09:19

comes up to you and they're like, oh my gosh, I've seen you

Kate Harlow: 00:09:21

on Instagram lately. You look amazing. You look amazing, and

Kate Harlow: 00:09:23

you look so happy. I'm so happy for you. Instead of them

Kate Harlow: 00:09:26

actually asking, like, how are you feeling? What's happening in

Kate Harlow: 00:09:29

your life? So and, and have you also ever had the feeling where

Kate Harlow: 00:09:33

someone asks you how you are or, like, what you've been up to,

Kate Harlow: 00:09:36

and you feel this pressure, like you have to say something

Kate Harlow: 00:09:38

interesting. That's the fantasy addict, that's the performer,

Kate Harlow: 00:09:42

right? The performers like, Oh, I gotta be interesting. I gotta

Kate Harlow: 00:09:44

have something cool to say. My life is the same every day. It's

Kate Harlow: 00:09:47

boring, like I have nothing to share. But wouldn't you rather I

Kate Harlow: 00:09:51

like my my heart breaks a little bit imagining, because I used to

Kate Harlow: 00:09:55

do that. I used to think I was boring and I had I remember, I

Kate Harlow: 00:09:58

used to even like, go on vacation. Vacations just so I

Kate Harlow: 00:10:00

could, like, make people jealous that I went on vacation. Like,

Kate Harlow: 00:10:03

that's how much the fantasy attic was running in my life

Kate Harlow: 00:10:06

before it was like I had to have a really cool life for other

Kate Harlow: 00:10:09

people to approve of my life, for other people to think it was

Kate Harlow: 00:10:12

cool, to think it was interesting, to be jealous of my

Kate Harlow: 00:10:15

life. And now I think my life is cooler than ever before. But

Kate Harlow: 00:10:19

actually, I really don't care how people respond or receive my

Kate Harlow: 00:10:22

life, or approve or disapprove of my life, because my life's no

Kate Harlow: 00:10:25

longer a performance for other people's approval. My life is a

Kate Harlow: 00:10:30

place where I get to play and adventure and experience all of

Kate Harlow: 00:10:34

who I am. So for the woman who is aching inside for something

Kate Harlow: 00:10:40

more. Maybe you feel numb. Maybe you've been intentionally

Kate Harlow: 00:10:43

numbing yourself with different, you know, pills or alcohol or

Kate Harlow: 00:10:47

food or whatever, for a really long time, because your life

Kate Harlow: 00:10:50

doesn't really feel like your own. That's a byproduct of

Kate Harlow: 00:10:54

signing up for all these labels. I'm a mom, I'm a wife, I'm a I'm

Kate Harlow: 00:10:58

a boss, I'm a this, I'm a that, and we wear I'm a single woman,

Kate Harlow: 00:11:02

I'm a widow, I'm a divorced woman. We wear all these labels

Kate Harlow: 00:11:04

that become our identity. But the problem with identity is

Kate Harlow: 00:11:07

it's fixed, right? And that's like putting yourself in a box.

Kate Harlow: 00:11:11

No soul ever wants to be in a box, right? No heart ever wants

Kate Harlow: 00:11:15

to be in a box. Your heart and soul are always evolving, and

Kate Harlow: 00:11:19

they're always calling to you, and they're always speaking to

Kate Harlow: 00:11:21

you. So if you are feeling the call, if you're feeling the stir

Kate Harlow: 00:11:25

internally, it does not mean you have to blow up your entire

Kate Harlow: 00:11:29

life, although sometimes that's the best option, but, but what

Kate Harlow: 00:11:33

if you were to walk through it intentionally, like I think of

Kate Harlow: 00:11:36

if you were to walk through changing your life and your

Kate Harlow: 00:11:39

relationship within yourself with intention. Would you blow

Kate Harlow: 00:11:42

up your life? Probably not. You would very intentionally check

Kate Harlow: 00:11:46

in. I always say to my clients, like before you leave your job,

Kate Harlow: 00:11:49

have you practiced bringing your heroine to work? And it seems so

Kate Harlow: 00:11:53

many women completely transform this job that they thought they

Kate Harlow: 00:11:56

hated into doing work that felt really meaningful, because they

Kate Harlow: 00:12:00

were actually just more present in the moment, rather than just

Kate Harlow: 00:12:03

getting through the day to the end of the day, getting through

Kate Harlow: 00:12:06

the hour, getting through the week, getting through the month

Kate Harlow: 00:12:09

that so many of us are just trying to get by, that we're

Kate Harlow: 00:12:12

we're missing how much creative control we have over the

Kate Harlow: 00:12:16

experience, like you actually can bring your heart, your joy,

Kate Harlow: 00:12:20

your Curiosity, your presence, to even a job you've had for 30

Kate Harlow: 00:12:23

years and experience a completely different result with

Kate Harlow: 00:12:27

your work. On the other hand, you might bring your heroine to

Kate Harlow: 00:12:32

work. You might bring your fullest present self to work and

Kate Harlow: 00:12:36

actually realize this job is so outdated. Why am I holding

Kate Harlow: 00:12:41

myself to this old identity that I've completely outgrown and

Kate Harlow: 00:12:45

pretending it's still me when it's not right? Allow yourself

Kate Harlow: 00:12:49

to be new and in life, if we I think I said this actually last

Kate Harlow: 00:12:54

episode, maybe, but it's like the practice. This is why I love

Kate Harlow: 00:12:57

meditation so much and doing my morning practices, because it's

Kate Harlow: 00:13:00

the practice of, can you greet yourself and let yourself be new

Kate Harlow: 00:13:03

every single day, right? But if you are not even greeting

Kate Harlow: 00:13:07

yourself and you just have this great on paper life, but you

Kate Harlow: 00:13:10

don't feel any of it, it's time to get to know your own heart

Kate Harlow: 00:13:15

and soul. And there's so many ways to do that, but really the

Kate Harlow: 00:13:18

biggest connection you can have is to the present moment. That's

Kate Harlow: 00:13:23

how doing anything that drops you into the now is how you

Kate Harlow: 00:13:27

start to explore your inner world and get to know your inner

Kate Harlow: 00:13:30

world. I also heard something the other day that was really

Kate Harlow: 00:13:33

poignant. Did you actually have it all if it wasn't all of you?

Kate Harlow: 00:13:38

Did you actually have it all if it all, if it wasn't all of you.

Kate Harlow: 00:13:42

So how many women look like they have it all? And those are the

Kate Harlow: 00:13:44

women that other women are jealous of, right? If you have

Kate Harlow: 00:13:47

it all, other women are looking at you going, Oh, she's so

Kate Harlow: 00:13:50

lucky. Look, she got the husband, she got the house, she

Kate Harlow: 00:13:52

got the career, she got the corner office. Wow, she's she's

Kate Harlow: 00:13:56

got the hot body, she's got the this, she's got the that. And

Kate Harlow: 00:13:58

like all these women are comparing themselves to your

Kate Harlow: 00:14:01

life that's that's beautiful on the outside, but empty on the

Kate Harlow: 00:14:04

inside, right? Because she doesn't have it all if she

Kate Harlow: 00:14:07

doesn't have herself. And yet, we've only been taught to build.

Kate Harlow: 00:14:11

It's like, if you imagine your life as a house, you were only

Kate Harlow: 00:14:14

taught to build the outside. You were only taught to, like, build

Kate Harlow: 00:14:18

a big house and make sure it has big windows and make sure it it

Kate Harlow: 00:14:21

has many floors and many rooms, and you're only taught to, like,

Kate Harlow: 00:14:24

build the actual house, but nobody taught you how to

Kate Harlow: 00:14:28

actually decorate it, how to design it so it feels good for

Kate Harlow: 00:14:32

you, how to how to create rooms inside of your house that

Kate Harlow: 00:14:36

activate who you are, right? It's like nobody taught you

Kate Harlow: 00:14:39

about being in relationship with the inside of you.

Kate Harlow: 00:14:44

So if you think of your mind is fixed. Your mind is constantly

Kate Harlow: 00:14:48

putting labels on you and wanting to stick you in a box,

Kate Harlow: 00:14:52

but your heart is always growing and evolving. I like to think of

Kate Harlow: 00:14:55

the metaphor of a flower. Your heart is a flower, and it's

Kate Harlow: 00:14:59

always blue. Being every you know. And can you keep watering

Kate Harlow: 00:15:02

it, keep nourishing it, keep giving it all the nutrients it

Kate Harlow: 00:15:05

needs, so it can keep blooming, and all the old petals that no

Kate Harlow: 00:15:08

longer fit will fall away. And what is your heart? What is this

Kate Harlow: 00:15:12

flower of your heart made of all the different aspects of your

Kate Harlow: 00:15:15

life that that bring you joy, that bring you nourishment, that

Kate Harlow: 00:15:19

smell good, that taste good, that feel good, right, getting

Kate Harlow: 00:15:23

out of the mind of what you should do and start paying

Kate Harlow: 00:15:26

attention to how you feel inside of every experience, that's how

Kate Harlow: 00:15:30

you create a life you love. But it also takes being tremendously

Kate Harlow: 00:15:35

honest with yourself, because your saboteur mind is so sneaky,

Kate Harlow: 00:15:40

and your saboteur will tell you like, Oh no, this is just how it

Kate Harlow: 00:15:43

goes. And you don't get to prioritize yourself and think of

Kate Harlow: 00:15:45

all the bad things that will happen if you do that. But the

Kate Harlow: 00:15:49

reality is, if you don't prioritize yourself, you will

Kate Harlow: 00:15:52

just keep walking through this life feeling numb and

Kate Harlow: 00:15:55

disconnected instead of actually experiencing what your soul is

Kate Harlow: 00:15:59

here to experience everything is waiting for you so and your path

Kate Harlow: 00:16:04

disappears. You cannot see what's ahead of you, yet that is

Kate Harlow: 00:16:09

where all the magic lies. And you know, every time you feel

Kate Harlow: 00:16:11

afraid of the unknown, this is what I do every time I'm afraid

Kate Harlow: 00:16:15

of the unknown, which is happening a lot lately, not a

Kate Harlow: 00:16:18

lot. But you know, every few days I have some sort of fear of

Kate Harlow: 00:16:21

going to Kenya and not knowing where I'm going to live and not

Kate Harlow: 00:16:24

go. And I keep giving it to the angels in universe. I keep

Kate Harlow: 00:16:26

saying, Okay, I know this is divinely guided, so show me the

Kate Harlow: 00:16:30

way. Keep showing me the way. I trust you. You've got this. I'm

Kate Harlow: 00:16:33

just saying yes to my heart. That's my only job. So that's

Kate Harlow: 00:16:36

your only job. So as you go on this deeper inquiry of Eat,

Kate Harlow: 00:16:40

Pray, Love, get to know your own pleasure, right? Get to know

Kate Harlow: 00:16:43

your own divinity, like she did in the movie. Get to know your

Kate Harlow: 00:16:46

own love, the frequency that lives inside of you. And then

Kate Harlow: 00:16:49

when you live from the frequency of the heart, it's such a simple

Kate Harlow: 00:16:53

job. You just have to say yes and no, which now, because my

Kate Harlow: 00:16:56

whole life is designed to be in alignment with my true desires,

Kate Harlow: 00:17:01

my yeses and no are so clear, and then the only thing I'm

Kate Harlow: 00:17:04

dealing with now is when the fear arises, because I've

Kate Harlow: 00:17:07

followed a big yes, and I've made a big decision on a no, and

Kate Harlow: 00:17:12

now the fear arises, right? And the mind is like, Okay, what if

Kate Harlow: 00:17:15

all these horrible things happen? What if? And your mind

Kate Harlow: 00:17:18

is always going to find more. What ifs? What if this? What if

Kate Harlow: 00:17:21

that? What if this? So that? So it's like, I have to sit with

Kate Harlow: 00:17:24

her. I have to let her speak. I have to love her. I have to hold

Kate Harlow: 00:17:27

space for her. That's a younger part of me, right? Your saboteur

Kate Harlow: 00:17:30

is just protecting a little girl. So that little girl's

Kate Harlow: 00:17:33

like, What do you mean? We're moving to Canada. This feels

Kate Harlow: 00:17:35

terrifying. And the sovereign woman who is my heart is like,

Kate Harlow: 00:17:40

this is an amazing experience that we're meant to walk

Kate Harlow: 00:17:43

through. And guess what? We don't have to know why. And

Kate Harlow: 00:17:46

that's what makes it so exciting. That's actually what

Kate Harlow: 00:17:48

makes it so fulfilling and nourishing, is that I don't know

Kate Harlow: 00:17:51

all the characters I'm going to meet along the way. I don't know

Kate Harlow: 00:17:54

all the opportunities that are going to open up. I don't know

Kate Harlow: 00:17:56

all the versions of myself I'm going to become. I'm already

Kate Harlow: 00:17:59

becoming more expanded, just from going through the process

Kate Harlow: 00:18:03

of moving through the fear and coming back to my heart center,

Kate Harlow: 00:18:07

my truth and making the decisions that alone is so

Kate Harlow: 00:18:11

transformative, but most people are so afraid of change that

Kate Harlow: 00:18:16

they let the fear of opening the door stop them from even

Kate Harlow: 00:18:20

experiencing what's on the other side, and yet, that's where you

Kate Harlow: 00:18:24

get to grow into the next version of you. And you know, I

Kate Harlow: 00:18:27

think of gosh, I think of someone who's like, held on to

Kate Harlow: 00:18:31

their past self or past life, like, Oh, I wish I was more like

Kate Harlow: 00:18:34

that again, or I wish I had that old relationship I used to have.

Kate Harlow: 00:18:37

It's like, whole clinging to the past because it feels somehow

Kate Harlow: 00:18:40

romantic or exciting to hold on to the idea that that could be

Kate Harlow: 00:18:44

possible again. But I'm like think about all the people that

Kate Harlow: 00:18:48

you love right now. Now, imagine for a moment all of the humans

Kate Harlow: 00:18:53

and souls that you're going to meet along your future path of

Kate Harlow: 00:18:56

following your heart, that you are going to deeply love that

Kate Harlow: 00:18:59

you haven't even met, yet you don't even know they exist, and

Kate Harlow: 00:19:03

you're going to be deeply in love with them, women, men,

Kate Harlow: 00:19:06

kids, old, elderly, whatever. Anyone, aliens, spirits. There's

Kate Harlow: 00:19:14

so much ahead of you, and that's that's actually what makes the

Kate Harlow: 00:19:17

heart excited and joyful and happy like true joy comes from

Kate Harlow: 00:19:22

the surprise of life. It comes from the unknown, right? It

Kate Harlow: 00:19:27

doesn't come from the predetermined path that you've

Kate Harlow: 00:19:31

controlled and contrived to have some sense of safety. It comes

Kate Harlow: 00:19:36

from the unexpected, right? And yet, most so if you're really

Kate Harlow: 00:19:41

attached to the script, probably you have some controller

Kate Harlow: 00:19:43

archetype playing out in the saboteurs. And most controller

Kate Harlow: 00:19:47

women are terrified of the unknown, so they do everything

Kate Harlow: 00:19:51

in their power to make things planned, overly planned,

Kate Harlow: 00:19:54

predictable, so they know that they're going to be safe and

Kate Harlow: 00:19:57

everything's organized and everything's going to be good,

Kate Harlow: 00:19:59

and. And it's like that is the very thing that is robbing you

Kate Harlow: 00:20:04

from experiencing the magic, the peep, the unexpected people, the

Kate Harlow: 00:20:08

unexpected experiences, the moments that light up your soul.

Kate Harlow: 00:20:12

You're You're here to experience the aliveness inside of you, not

Kate Harlow: 00:20:17

the zombie, right? The zombie or the the deadness inside of us

Kate Harlow: 00:20:21

comes from being fixed in our identity and trying to stay the

Kate Harlow: 00:20:26

same when we're always growing and evolving. So everything is

Kate Harlow: 00:20:33

waiting for you. Trust in the beauty of your own heart. Trust

Kate Harlow: 00:20:37

in the people, places and experiences that expand you. So

Kate Harlow: 00:20:42

how do you know, right? I get this question a lot. How do you

Kate Harlow: 00:20:45

know the difference between truth and fear? Truth, the

Kate Harlow: 00:20:51

things that are Yes, you, I want you to start to pay attention to

Kate Harlow: 00:20:55

it. The things that are yes, there's like a spark or an

Kate Harlow: 00:20:59

expansion when you, let's say you're mute, you meet someone,

Kate Harlow: 00:21:03

and they tell you about doing some Cuban, Latin dance, and

Kate Harlow: 00:21:08

they're describing this dance community that they're a part of

Kate Harlow: 00:21:12

in Cuba, and you feel this light in your heart and your body, and

Kate Harlow: 00:21:15

you're like and you get lit up and turned on. There's just this

Kate Harlow: 00:21:18

like excitement as you're hearing their story. That's your

Kate Harlow: 00:21:22

heart, right? But what your mind will do is like, oh, it's not

Kate Harlow: 00:21:25

safe to go there. Oh, you shouldn't go there. Oh, you

Kate Harlow: 00:21:27

could never dance like that. Oh, that's so not you. Oh, no, you

Kate Harlow: 00:21:29

have responsibilities. Oh, you could never do that. And so the

Kate Harlow: 00:21:32

mind will come in and cap us every time we have an expansion.

Kate Harlow: 00:21:37

And so the practice is to just notice it. Just notice the

Kate Harlow: 00:21:40

fears. Notice the what ifs. Notice the stories of what you

Kate Harlow: 00:21:43

can and can't do that. Your saboteur is trying to parent

Kate Harlow: 00:21:46

you. She's trying to control your reality and come back into

Kate Harlow: 00:21:50

your heart and like, okay, there's something here for me.

Kate Harlow: 00:21:53

If I was lit really lit up by that, maybe I don't need to move

Kate Harlow: 00:21:56

to Cuba tomorrow, but maybe there's a dance class I can

Kate Harlow: 00:21:59

explore taking, right and and even when I feel uncomfortable,

Kate Harlow: 00:22:04

can I welcome those feelings right? The more that you can

Kate Harlow: 00:22:06

experience and be with whatever the experience is, the more the

Kate Harlow: 00:22:10

those those uncomfortable feelings alchemize. Because if

Kate Harlow: 00:22:14

you just welcome them and allow yourself to be new, now you're

Kate Harlow: 00:22:16

going to meet new parts of yourself, and that's where your

Kate Harlow: 00:22:19

aliveness lives. So the fantasy addict in your mind will tell

Kate Harlow: 00:22:22

you it's over there and you got to be with that guy, or go over

Kate Harlow: 00:22:25

there and, you know, blow up your life or do whatever. And

Kate Harlow: 00:22:27

maybe your your life will change as a result of you changing. But

Kate Harlow: 00:22:31

the best thing to do first is just to start to get to know the

Kate Harlow: 00:22:35

magic of your soul. Start to get to know your your own inner

Kate Harlow: 00:22:39

compass. What do you desire. What does light you up? What are

Kate Harlow: 00:22:42

you curious? Curious about? Who are you jealous of? That's an

Kate Harlow: 00:22:44

indicator Who are you jealous of, and what are they embodying

Kate Harlow: 00:22:48

that you have shut down from. So you got to be willing to let go

Kate Harlow: 00:22:56

of who you were in order to become who you're meant to be

Kate Harlow: 00:23:03

and who you're meant to be is always changing. We become, and

Kate Harlow: 00:23:06

we become, and we become, and we become, and if we hold on so

Kate Harlow: 00:23:11

tight, and let me tell you, it does get easier. Like I think of

Kate Harlow: 00:23:14

my seven year relationship that I was in actually had a Facebook

Kate Harlow: 00:23:18

memory pop up today, and it was like my post of my breakup of my

Kate Harlow: 00:23:21

seven year relationship that ended, I suppose, in 2021 I was

Kate Harlow: 00:23:24

informed today by Facebook, and I was reading the post and just

Kate Harlow: 00:23:29

thinking like, wow, I remember it took so long to let go of

Kate Harlow: 00:23:33

that relationship. It took me like, I mean, it was covid, and

Kate Harlow: 00:23:38

there are some things that slowed it down, but now it's so

Kate Harlow: 00:23:41

much easier to let go of what isn't aligned, because I'm so

Kate Harlow: 00:23:44

excited of what's coming, and I trust the unfolding, and I trust

Kate Harlow: 00:23:48

like I can see how much I've grown since that relationship

Kate Harlow: 00:23:52

ended. That relationship ended 2021 so four years ago, and I am

Kate Harlow: 00:24:00

a totally different person than I was when I was living in

Kate Harlow: 00:24:03

Vancouver and dating Jeff So and I've, I've experienced so much

Kate Harlow: 00:24:07

of life. I've traveled around the world, I've lived in other

Kate Harlow: 00:24:10

countries. I've, you know, learned little bits of new

Kate Harlow: 00:24:14

languages. I've become so much more than I was, than I ever

Kate Harlow: 00:24:18

thought I could be. So if you believe your mind, you're just

Kate Harlow: 00:24:23

going to be living in the limitation of who you are, which

Kate Harlow: 00:24:25

is not really who you are.

Kate Harlow: 00:24:27

But when you follow your heart and you trust the path that is

Kate Harlow: 00:24:31

not lit up, right, you just trust the path that you cannot

Kate Harlow: 00:24:35

see. But you know, when you follow your heart, that's the co

Kate Harlow: 00:24:38

creation with the universe. That's the co creation in the

Kate Harlow: 00:24:41

dance with life. When you have the courage to follow that you

Kate Harlow: 00:24:47

get to see over and over and over again, that your heart will

Kate Harlow: 00:24:50

never lead you astray, and that that the Divine is always

Kate Harlow: 00:24:53

supporting you. You have angels supporting you. You are not

Kate Harlow: 00:24:56

alone. You are never alone. You. But if you think you're alone,

Kate Harlow: 00:25:01

you're in your human self, you're in your small self, and

Kate Harlow: 00:25:05

you're going to keep limiting yourself. And the way you

Kate Harlow: 00:25:08

realize you're not alone is to start really listening to the

Kate Harlow: 00:25:11

call of your heart, because then you get to see how divinely

Kate Harlow: 00:25:14

supported you are. You will not see it if you're if you're

Kate Harlow: 00:25:17

making choices from your mind, but when you start making

Kate Harlow: 00:25:20

choices from the frequency of your heart, you will see how

Kate Harlow: 00:25:23

magical life is, and then you'll believe everything I'm saying.

Kate Harlow: 00:25:27

And then you'll realize, Oh, I'm not alone. I am so supported in

Kate Harlow: 00:25:30

this life. I am so safe. So I actually there's another thing I

Kate Harlow: 00:25:35

heard in this interview with with David Jay white, he said,

Kate Harlow: 00:25:39

your mind stop putting your identity into in into your

Kate Harlow: 00:25:47

thoughts. Okay, sorry, I can't read my writing. Stop putting

Kate Harlow: 00:25:50

your identity into your thoughts. Your depth is in your

Kate Harlow: 00:25:53

body. Use your mind to become a servant to your soul desires. So

Kate Harlow: 00:26:00

the mind is always going to be there, but use the mind to

Kate Harlow: 00:26:03

actually be your helper to make your soul desires happen, right?

Kate Harlow: 00:26:07

Like your your mind is the one who's going to fill out the form

Kate Harlow: 00:26:11

to sign up for the program, or who's going to book the flight

Kate Harlow: 00:26:13

to go on that trip you've always wanted to go on your your mind

Kate Harlow: 00:26:17

is going to be the one who's going to take action. But look

Kate Harlow: 00:26:19

at her as your I, instead of servant, I'd say assistant. Your

Kate Harlow: 00:26:23

mind can be your personal assistant, your your saboteur

Kate Harlow: 00:26:25

mind, but not the CEO of your life, right? If these, if she's

Kate Harlow: 00:26:30

the CEO of your life, she's visioning your life. She's

Kate Harlow: 00:26:32

creating your life. You're creating from limitation. You're

Kate Harlow: 00:26:36

creating from who you think you're supposed to be as a

Kate Harlow: 00:26:38

woman, based on your culture, based on where you grew up,

Kate Harlow: 00:26:41

based on who's around you, based on your conditioning, from

Kate Harlow: 00:26:44

media, from movies, from what you what you grew up believing

Kate Harlow: 00:26:48

is women are supposed to have and do and be right. You're not

Kate Harlow: 00:26:52

actually operating from your heart and soul when it's coming

Kate Harlow: 00:26:56

from the mind. Your soul desires are and your heart desires are

Kate Harlow: 00:27:00

going to come to you in a moment of presence, and you're going to

Kate Harlow: 00:27:04

have a feeling in your body that's going to make no sense.

Kate Harlow: 00:27:07

So I, I can't remember how long ago I shared the story, but I

Kate Harlow: 00:27:12

was invited to do a musical years ago, Jesus Christ

Kate Harlow: 00:27:16

Superstar. My aunt and uncle have a theater company, and they

Kate Harlow: 00:27:19

invited me, and they never invited me before, because they

Kate Harlow: 00:27:21

knew I was traveling a lot for work, and I was really busy, and

Kate Harlow: 00:27:25

I was out of the country a lot, and so they sent me this email,

Kate Harlow: 00:27:29

and I was so excited, and my whole body lit up, and I had my

Kate Harlow: 00:27:33

boyfriend at the time was there, and I said, Oh my gosh, I got

Kate Harlow: 00:27:36

invited to be in Jesus Christ Superstar, and I'm so excited.

Kate Harlow: 00:27:39

And I my whole being, like, lit up like a Christmas tree. And

Kate Harlow: 00:27:43

then almost immediately after, I was like, Oh, I can't do it. Oh

Kate Harlow: 00:27:47

my gosh, I can't do it. We've got an event in England. I'm so

Kate Harlow: 00:27:50

busy. I have so many coaching calls. I'm so exhausted all the

Kate Harlow: 00:27:52

time, like, there's no way I'm gonna have the energy for it.

Kate Harlow: 00:27:54

And he was like, Oh, you're doing it. Like, what? That's a

Kate Harlow: 00:27:58

yes. That reaction was a yes and I and it was such a beautiful

Kate Harlow: 00:28:05

reframe, because I did say yes. I canceled the England event.

Kate Harlow: 00:28:08

Someone else went in my behalf and but it was so cool, because

Kate Harlow: 00:28:11

all my coaching calls, even though I was busier than ever, I

Kate Harlow: 00:28:14

had rehearsals at night and coaching in the day for this

Kate Harlow: 00:28:16

company I used to work for, and I had more energy than ever I

Kate Harlow: 00:28:20

was like the whole three months of our of our rehearsals and the

Kate Harlow: 00:28:26

week of our shows were some of the best experiences of my life.

Kate Harlow: 00:28:30

I will never forget the feeling in my body of how I felt giving

Kate Harlow: 00:28:34

myself the gift of having that experience that was the sole

Kate Harlow: 00:28:38

desire. And you notice how my body lit up like a Christmas

Kate Harlow: 00:28:41

tree, and then it almost immediately, my mind tried to

Kate Harlow: 00:28:44

talk me out of it. That's always, always, always, what's

Kate Harlow: 00:28:47

going to happen. So if you want to start listening to your heart

Kate Harlow: 00:28:51

and your soul desires, you have to be willing to not believe

Kate Harlow: 00:28:54

your thoughts around it, right? That's such a big part of the

Kate Harlow: 00:28:57

practice. So write down all the fears, all the stories, all the

Kate Harlow: 00:29:01

limitations, and then use use your your mind and your heroine

Kate Harlow: 00:29:05

to challenge them all, because they're everything's figure out

Kate Harlow: 00:29:08

able. That's a title of a book. Great title by Marie Forleo.

Kate Harlow: 00:29:12

Everything is figure out able. And you're constantly being

Kate Harlow: 00:29:15

invited by life to do things that do satiate your soul. But

Kate Harlow: 00:29:20

most women say no to what lights them up and say yes to what's

Kate Harlow: 00:29:24

for other people that's sucking the life out of them, and then

Kate Harlow: 00:29:27

they have no replenishment. When I did that musical, even though

Kate Harlow: 00:29:31

I was working, I had way more on my plate. I had so much more

Kate Harlow: 00:29:36

energy because I was doing something that brought me alive,

Kate Harlow: 00:29:40

right? Right? I had life force energy. And this, there is this

Kate Harlow: 00:29:43

life force energy we all have access to that really is our

Kate Harlow: 00:29:47

divinity. When we're plugged into ourselves, when we're

Kate Harlow: 00:29:50

plugged into our soul and our hearts, we have infinite energy.

Kate Harlow: 00:29:53

So even as a projector, I had infinite energy. So that's

Kate Harlow: 00:29:56

something to know, right? If you're if you're a mom and

Kate Harlow: 00:29:59

you're married. Gotta you got all these responsibilities, and

Kate Harlow: 00:30:01

you're like, Well, I just don't have the time, or I just don't

Kate Harlow: 00:30:04

have the energy for it. At the end of the day, go anyways. Do

Kate Harlow: 00:30:08

the thing anyways, because that thing is going to feed every

Kate Harlow: 00:30:12

facet of your life, and it's going to give you energy. It's

Kate Harlow: 00:30:15

not going to take from your energy. It's going to give you

Kate Harlow: 00:30:18

energy. Is the opposite of what your mind will tell you, right?

Kate Harlow: 00:30:22

The things that take from your energy are the all the things

Kate Harlow: 00:30:24

you're doing out of obligation, all the things that you're doing

Kate Harlow: 00:30:27

for other people, but that that aren't for you, that aren't

Kate Harlow: 00:30:30

lighting you up, all the things that you're saying yes to that

Kate Harlow: 00:30:33

are actually a no. Those are the things that are sucking the life

Kate Harlow: 00:30:36

out of you. The things that you do that satiate you, that light

Kate Harlow: 00:30:39

you up, that ignite your heart are the things that actually

Kate Harlow: 00:30:44

will give you life in every area of your life. So having a great

Kate Harlow: 00:30:51

life on paper is someone else's idea of what life is supposed to

Kate Harlow: 00:30:55

be. If your life is great but you don't feel connected to it,

Kate Harlow: 00:30:58

or you don't feel lit up by it, it's not yours. I'm going to

Kate Harlow: 00:31:02

read that quote again. Did you have it all if it wasn't all of

Kate Harlow: 00:31:05

you? Did you actually have it all if it wasn't all of you?

Kate Harlow: 00:31:08

Right? How many parts of yourself Did you cut off from,

Kate Harlow: 00:31:12

or did you never explore because you chose this life that was

Kate Harlow: 00:31:19

having it all? Quote, unquote, is it really at all? So start to

Kate Harlow: 00:31:25

explore the things you are saying yes to and doing in your

Kate Harlow: 00:31:27

life, and what part of you is choosing them, right? What part

Kate Harlow: 00:31:32

of you is leading them? Okay, even parenting. Obviously,

Kate Harlow: 00:31:35

you're still going to be a parent regardless of what

Kate Harlow: 00:31:37

happens. But what part of you is parenting? I work with so many

Kate Harlow: 00:31:41

women who have children, and it's such a beautiful gift to

Kate Harlow: 00:31:45

see how their parenting style changes. When they become the

Kate Harlow: 00:31:48

heroine within, when they fall in love with themselves, when

Kate Harlow: 00:31:52

they learn how to heal and and rewire their relationship with

Kate Harlow: 00:31:57

the Wounded Little girl inside, when their heroin and heart and

Kate Harlow: 00:32:00

soul start to lead their lives, they become a way better parent,

Kate Harlow: 00:32:04

right? Your saboteur will tell you, Oh no, I can't put myself

Kate Harlow: 00:32:07

first because I gotta sacrifice myself for my kids. Then your

Kate Harlow: 00:32:10

kids are getting a shell of you. Your kids are getting the

Kate Harlow: 00:32:13

performance of you, or they're getting an empty, depleted you.

Kate Harlow: 00:32:16

That's not what your children need you. They're learning so

Kate Harlow: 00:32:19

much more from who you're being than from what you're saying. So

Kate Harlow: 00:32:24

your energy actually matters the most for your kids, and being

Kate Harlow: 00:32:30

connected to your heart, the more you get curious about your

Kate Harlow: 00:32:34

own heart and soul, the more you'll be curious about yours.

Kate Harlow: 00:32:36

And it's actually the most beautiful alchemizing experience

Kate Harlow: 00:32:40

that you'll have with your kids is starting to live from that

Kate Harlow: 00:32:44

inner compass within yourself.

Kate Harlow: 00:32:48

Oh, my God, another beautiful Okay, you got to watch this

Kate Harlow: 00:32:50

video. It's an interview that David J white cave quoted it. I

Kate Harlow: 00:32:53

watched it. I took notes. I was so mesmerized by this interview

Kate Harlow: 00:32:58

David J White did with Tim Ferriss, the guy who wrote The

Kate Harlow: 00:33:01

Four Hour Workweek. One of the other things he said, he said,

Kate Harlow: 00:33:05

you're looking at something. Oh, when, okay, when you're looking

Kate Harlow: 00:33:09

at a river, how beautiful is it to wash, to watch a rushing

Kate Harlow: 00:33:12

river? You're looking at something that has already

Kate Harlow: 00:33:16

passed. So this is what we're constantly doing to ourselves,

Kate Harlow: 00:33:21

the the version of ourselves that we used to be has gone, or

Kate Harlow: 00:33:26

maybe it's ready to go, but we keep projecting it onto a

Kate Harlow: 00:33:30

present moment. No, no, Kate, that's just who I am. I'm a

Kate Harlow: 00:33:32

perfectionist. That's just who I am. I'm an extrovert, I'm an

Kate Harlow: 00:33:35

introvert, I'm a I'm a divorced woman, I'm single, I'm this and

Kate Harlow: 00:33:39

that. And we're projecting these stories and these narratives and

Kate Harlow: 00:33:42

these past versions of ourselves onto the present moment, onto

Kate Harlow: 00:33:45

the canvas in front of us, even though that version of you has

Kate Harlow: 00:33:51

already passed. So why does it not feel good in your body?

Kate Harlow: 00:33:54

Here's another reason for anxiety, because you're not

Kate Harlow: 00:33:56

being who you really are. That's why we feel anxious and

Kate Harlow: 00:34:00

depressed. We're not being who we really are. If you were who

Kate Harlow: 00:34:03

you really are, you would just feel aligned. And what alignment

Kate Harlow: 00:34:05

feels like is grounded. It's open, it's peaceful, it's

Kate Harlow: 00:34:10

expansive, but it's very grounded. It's not like high and

Kate Harlow: 00:34:15

low, it's expansive. You have moments of contraction, but it's

Kate Harlow: 00:34:19

expanded. That's what it feels to be the version of you that

Kate Harlow: 00:34:22

you are now. But maybe you're not being that version, and

Kate Harlow: 00:34:26

maybe that's why you feel so much discord inside. Maybe that

Kate Harlow: 00:34:30

like coming back to Elizabeth Gilbert, you know, she was

Kate Harlow: 00:34:33

living this life, that what she was told was a great life. She

Kate Harlow: 00:34:37

had a cool brownstone in New York and Brooklyn. She lived in

Kate Harlow: 00:34:40

New York. She had amazing friends, she had amazing jobs,

Kate Harlow: 00:34:43

she had her husband that loved her and was doting on her and

Kate Harlow: 00:34:46

was just adoring of her. And she was inside of this life, just

Kate Harlow: 00:34:51

like one dimensional, so disconnected from all of it, and

Kate Harlow: 00:34:57

that's the call of the heart and soul, if. You are feeling this

Kate Harlow: 00:35:00

right now. It's time to go on your alchemy journey. It's time

Kate Harlow: 00:35:04

to set out on a journey of getting to know your own heart

Kate Harlow: 00:35:09

and get getting to know every corner of your own love, getting

Kate Harlow: 00:35:12

to bathe in the love that you give to so many people and that

Kate Harlow: 00:35:17

you saved for a man, for one romantic relationship, that

Kate Harlow: 00:35:20

you're just going to give all your love to, or you've given to

Kate Harlow: 00:35:23

all to your children, or you've given all to your friends. What

Kate Harlow: 00:35:28

if you were to start giving that to yourself? What if you were to

Kate Harlow: 00:35:32

start building a the most loving, reverent relationship

Kate Harlow: 00:35:36

with yourself, where every single day, you bathed in your

Kate Harlow: 00:35:39

own love? What would that look like if you were dating

Kate Harlow: 00:35:42

yourself, if you were romancing yourself, if you were swooning

Kate Harlow: 00:35:47

over yourself, if you were taking risks for yourself, if

Kate Harlow: 00:35:51

you were being courageous for yourself, what would that look

Kate Harlow: 00:35:53

like? What would courage do? I have a tattoo. I have two

Kate Harlow: 00:35:57

tattoos. No, I have three. Actually, let's tell you about

Kate Harlow: 00:35:59

two of them, two on my arms. I'm getting one more on my arm. You

Kate Harlow: 00:36:03

might have seen them if you've done a masterclass. I have a

Kate Harlow: 00:36:06

little one on my wrist that says Ker and kur. Okay, I'm not I'm

Kate Harlow: 00:36:11

gonna botch. I'm gonna try and do it with a French accent. But

Kate Harlow: 00:36:13

my, one of the heroin sisters that I'm working with right now

Kate Harlow: 00:36:16

is French, and she makes fun of my French accent. Cur, I'm not

Kate Harlow: 00:36:20

very good. I'm good at a Greek accent, not a French one, but I

Kate Harlow: 00:36:24

love, I've always loved the word cur. My favorite church, or

Kate Harlow: 00:36:28

Cathedral in Paris is the Sacra, which is the church of the

Kate Harlow: 00:36:33

Sacred Heart. It's so beautiful. And Ker means heart. And the

Kate Harlow: 00:36:37

reason I got that tattooed, I remember vividly walking down

Kate Harlow: 00:36:40

the street with my best friend child, and I was like, we should

Kate Harlow: 00:36:44

get Kerr tattooed on her wrist. And she never did, but I did

Kate Harlow: 00:36:47

when I was in Costa Rica for my 40th birthday, because she and I

Kate Harlow: 00:36:50

also used to, always used to say, what does your cur say?

Kate Harlow: 00:36:53

Follow your cur. Follow your cur. We've spent a lot of time

Kate Harlow: 00:36:56

going to Paris together, but follow your cur. Follow your own

Kate Harlow: 00:36:59

heart. And I love the word curve because it's also the root of,

Kate Harlow: 00:37:02

well, it's not spelled the same, but it sounds like it's the root

Kate Harlow: 00:37:05

of courage, right? Courage is, is the courage to follow your

Kate Harlow: 00:37:10

heart. And it does take courage. It takes courage to follow our

Kate Harlow: 00:37:13

hearts. But my loves. Your future self will thank you so

Kate Harlow: 00:37:16

much. Your future self will thank you for letting go of all

Kate Harlow: 00:37:19

of those old, outdated sweaters that don't fit you anymore,

Kate Harlow: 00:37:22

letting go of that old car, letting go of that old baggage

Kate Harlow: 00:37:26

that's no longer belongs to you, that old story of who you think

Kate Harlow: 00:37:30

you are, that you think you're, you know, just destined to be

Kate Harlow: 00:37:34

single forever, or you think you're only worthy if you have

Kate Harlow: 00:37:37

love, or the beliefs that you think Your life is over because

Kate Harlow: 00:37:41

you lost your partner, right? All the old stories of who

Kate Harlow: 00:37:45

you've been, let them go, put them behind you so that you can

Kate Harlow: 00:37:49

become the woman that you're here to be, because there's so

Kate Harlow: 00:37:53

much available for you. There is so much here for you to

Kate Harlow: 00:37:57

experience. Everything is waiting for you everything, and

Kate Harlow: 00:38:02

I will tell you this, in every episode, it just gets better.

Kate Harlow: 00:38:05

People are so afraid to let go of what was because they're

Kate Harlow: 00:38:08

afraid they won't have better. And in my experience, it gets

Kate Harlow: 00:38:11

better and then it gets better, and then it gets better, and

Kate Harlow: 00:38:14

then it gets better, and you become more grounded and more

Kate Harlow: 00:38:16

real and more honest and more satiated inside of your own

Kate Harlow: 00:38:20

life. It just gets. Keeps getting better. Oh, now I'm

Kate Harlow: 00:38:25

hearing a Tim McGraw song in my head. I want to spend the rest

Kate Harlow: 00:38:27

of my life with you by my side. So maybe a practice. Here's a

Kate Harlow: 00:38:30

tangible practice you can do every morning to bathe in the

Kate Harlow: 00:38:33

frequency of your own heart and your own love, whatever your

Kate Harlow: 00:38:36

favorite love songs are. Play those in the morning, in

Kate Harlow: 00:38:39

meditation, close your eyes. Sit on a cushion so your hips are a

Kate Harlow: 00:38:44

little bit elevated, so you can sit comfortably. Put your hands

Kate Harlow: 00:38:47

on your heart. I usually put one hand on my heart, one hand on my

Kate Harlow: 00:38:50

solar plexus or my tummy, and then just sing that song to

Kate Harlow: 00:38:55

yourself. Sing it over and over and over again, to the little

Kate Harlow: 00:38:58

girl inside of you, to yourself, to your heart, bathe in your own

Kate Harlow: 00:39:01

love. We've been taught it's outside of ourselves, but it's

Kate Harlow: 00:39:03

not. It's inside, right? So if you created a life that's that's

Kate Harlow: 00:39:08

perfect on paper, but you're not feeling connected to any of it,

Kate Harlow: 00:39:11

it's because you've been chasing external things, and you've

Kate Harlow: 00:39:15

built a beautiful castle, but your castle is empty on the

Kate Harlow: 00:39:18

inside, so you've got to start cultivating that relationship.

Kate Harlow: 00:39:21

And obviously every episode of the new truth is about

Kate Harlow: 00:39:24

cultivating that relationship. So time is now. I love you and I

Kate Harlow: 00:39:30

believe in you, so your life gets to be magical. And the only

Kate Harlow: 00:39:35

way it will be magical and feel magical to you is if you truly,

Kate Harlow: 00:39:39

truly learn how to listen to your heart and how to

Kate Harlow: 00:39:42

distinguish the Oh, I forgot to circle. I didn't finish that

Kate Harlow: 00:39:44

sentence about the difference between fear and and truth. Your

Kate Harlow: 00:39:49

truth in your heart is the first thing you feel when you when

Kate Harlow: 00:39:52

you're when something is a yes, and it expands you and it

Kate Harlow: 00:39:55

excites you. It's like the initial hit, the initial

Kate Harlow: 00:39:57

feeling, and then your mind usually keeps. Takes in right

Kate Harlow: 00:40:00

away to change your mind, versus your mind trying to convince you

Kate Harlow: 00:40:05

something that you should do that's based in fear, that's

Kate Harlow: 00:40:09

that's like the initial hit isn't in the body. It's just,

Kate Harlow: 00:40:13

oh, you should do this. Oh, you should do more of that. It's the

Kate Harlow: 00:40:15

it, there shoulds, there's have to, there's can and can't.

Kate Harlow: 00:40:19

That's all the mind, right? But the the your compass is in your

Kate Harlow: 00:40:23

body, she's there, and the more you slow down, the more you'll

Kate Harlow: 00:40:27

hear her, but notice and maybe even make a list of all the

Kate Harlow: 00:40:31

times and all the things that you've been curious about that

Kate Harlow: 00:40:33

have actually sparked you. I spoke to someone yesterday who

Kate Harlow: 00:40:36

said she's always had a desire to learn Italian and to live in

Kate Harlow: 00:40:39

Italy one day, even just for a summer, and that's an example,

Kate Harlow: 00:40:43

like something that sparks your heart, and that's something that

Kate Harlow: 00:40:46

she could actually start learning Italian right away,

Kate Harlow: 00:40:49

right she maybe she won't be moving to Italy tomorrow, but

Kate Harlow: 00:40:52

she could start cultivating that right away. Maybe book an Airbnb

Kate Harlow: 00:40:55

in Italy for next summer. So there's so many things that your

Kate Harlow: 00:41:00

heart desires. But if you're so busy controlling your future and

Kate Harlow: 00:41:04

planning out there and then being exhausted from all the

Kate Harlow: 00:41:07

planning of your future self, you don't even know yet, you're

Kate Harlow: 00:41:10

gonna miss the cues of your heart. So slow down. Sit with

Kate Harlow: 00:41:14

yourself, bathe in your own love, reflect and let her speak

Kate Harlow: 00:41:17

to you, and start to be courageous enough to follow.

Kate Harlow: 00:41:21

Take big steps and little steps to follow those feelings so that

Kate Harlow: 00:41:24

you can create a life that feels good from the inside out, which

Kate Harlow: 00:41:27

will be the greatest gift to your kids, to your friends, to

Kate Harlow: 00:41:30

your loved ones, to your lovers, to everyone in your life, and

Kate Harlow: 00:41:32

you'll become magnetic too more so love you as always. Share

Kate Harlow: 00:41:37

this episode with any woman you know who is feeling that Eat,

Kate Harlow: 00:41:41

Pray, Love, moment and I'll see you next week.